


As Unto You, Thus Unto Me

by cabbages



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-03-01 22:25:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 25,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13304598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cabbages/pseuds/cabbages
Summary: After a series of natural disasters strike the world, society is thrown into chaos. The apocalypse is suddenly real and happening right now, and Sehun is living in the middle of it. Separated from his friends and loved ones, he begins to wither away, losing his hope and his will to live.Then he meets a stranger named Byun Baekhyun, who takes him on a journey across the country to help find his hyung. Throughout their travels they meet and form bonds with other refugees, all vowing to stick together and survive. From these companionships, Sehun's future begins to look bright again.But no triumph is without its struggles.





	1. Regaining Hope

**Author's Note:**

  * For [anonymousloris](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anonymousloris/gifts).



_“When you have lost hope, you have lost everything. And when you think all is lost, when all is dire and bleak, there is always hope.”_ – Pittacus Lore

_\--_

Sehun wished he could remember the last time he felt hope.

He didn’t lose it all at once. He liked to think of it as if his hope was a glass of water. He gripped it tightly with both hands and held it close to his chest to protect it, but every day he survived was a bump in the road that caused some water to slosh out. Every time he woke up and saw the survivor’s camp grow smaller and smaller, every time he watched someone carry a body out of the barracks that were barely standing, it sent another splash of water splattering across the ground.

One day, as he was handed a lukewarm bowl of thick brown sludge for dinner, Sehun realized his glass was empty.

His stomach flipped at the sight and he set the bowl down on the ground. Though he was starving and never knew when his next meal would be, the brown abomination the refugee leaders called “food” was something akin to diarrhea soup. They had been eating it for two weeks straight now. Twice before it had given Sehun food poisoning; once it almost killed him. He wasn’t sure why they continued to serve it to the people; they were trying to survive for Christ’s sake, not slowly poison themselves to death. Though, Sehun supposed death would be better than this hell on Earth.

Feeling a presence sit on the log next to him, he shifted to give them more room. A bony elbow nudged at his ribs. Even the slightest touch sent an uncomfortable tingling right through his bones and Sehun rubbed at his side with a frown.

“You gonna eat that?”

Without a word, Sehun picked up his bowl and gave it to the boy. The boy grinned widely and quickly scarfed down what remained of his ration before moving onto the second helping he had now acquired. But before he dug in and brought the spoon back to his lips he stopped, looking at Sehun curiously as his gaunt frame turned back to stare blankly into the fire.

“Are you sure you’re not hungry?” the boy questioned. One quick glance at Sehun and anyone could tell he was on his last legs. His skin was drawn so tight across his bones he might as well be a walking skeleton. Eyes sunken in, cheekbones sharp, his collar bone popping out and his arms and legs as skinny as twigs, he looked to be on Death’s door. Even his hair had started to fall out in clumps here and there.

He shook his head slowly, as any sudden movement made him incredibly dizzy. “Not right now,” he replied. He fell silent.

Beside him, the boy shrugged and returned to his meal. The slurping noises coming from his mouth were making Sehun’s stomach flip and churn uncomfortably. He knew there was no food to throw up, but dry heaving was just as bad, if not worse, so he turned his head and covered one ear with his hand to block the sound. Instead he focused on the chatter from across the fire.

The two refugee leaders were sitting together, as always, chatting pleasantly over their meal. The woman, Jin Myungsook, had come to the camp about two months ago and quickly established herself as co-leader of the refugees alongside Sun Taewon. Sehun thought Myungsook was a selfish bitch. More than once he had witnessed her taking a young boy’s rations for herself because she didn’t like the way he refused to meet her eye when thanking her for the day’s meal. She was a despot with a superiority complex, and Taewon didn’t help. He was absolutely smitten with the woman and used her power as the leader of a rag-tag team of half-starved refugees to strengthen his own fragile ego. Together they were a pair of arrogant, tyrannical nut-jobs who only seemed to look after themselves. The survival of their group didn’t matter to them as long as their bellies were full.

“I think tomorrow we’ll send a couple of scouts west to search for food,” he overheard Myungsook say. She stirred her soup absentmindedly with her spoon; it looked a lot more appetizing than the putrid shit she served to everyone else. “We’re running low on supplies and every day we get newcomers from the refugee camp about ten miles north. I’m not surprised that they’re leaving. I stayed there for a time before coming here; the leaders were a joke. None of them had the balls to punish those that stole from one another or didn’t pull their weight to keep the camp running. Damn good thing I left when I did.”

Next to her, Taewon smiled. “Lucky you got here when you did. A group of thieves had been terrorizing our camp for weeks before I finally managed to drive them off. If you had gotten here during the worst of it who knows what would have happened,”

“Your problem wouldn’t have dragged on for two more weeks, that’s what would have happened,” she replied with a smirk, and Taewon chuckled awkwardly, fixing his gaze at his bowl.

Sehun rolled his eyes, disgusted. He had never seen a pissing contest more blatant than this one. He looked away, turning back to see the boy next to him patting his stomach lovingly, eyes closed and a satisfied smile on his face. His ashen gray hair was greasy and pulled back into a small bun with a sharpened chopstick holding it together. Eyes still closed, he raised his left hand to push some hair out of his face. Half of his pinky finger was missing.

"I think we should send Sehun and Baekhyun out to find food," Taewon mumbled. Sehun perked up. He peered through the fire at the two leaders, only to see Myungsook looking at him with squinted eyes, so he quickly looked away, trying to act casually, as if he hadn't been eavesdropping for the past fifteen minutes.

He heard Myungsook scoff. "Why Sehun? Kid can hardly stand, let alone hold a weapon. What use will he be out there?"

"What use will he be in here? He hasn't been doing anything lately; he doesn't even eat. If he's not going to help out around camp might as well throw him out where the thieves and barbarians roam and see how he fares."

Sehun felt his blood begin to boil. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, channeling his emotions to hopefully calm himself. He could feel his heart beginning to beat wildly and it was making him lightheaded. He probably should've eaten that soup after all, no matter how disgusting it looked.

Myungsook shrugged. "He'll be dead within the week. He's given up, I can tell. Might as well let him die in peace." She stood up, taking Taewon's empty bowl and starting towards the barracks. "I say he stays,"

Just then, a short woman carrying a toddler came trudging past. "Myungsook..." she started timidly. Said woman turned around and crossed her arms when she saw who had approached her.

"We don't have any food left," she said flatly, and turned once again to enter the living quarters.

"B-But Myungsook!" The woman chased after her. Sehun strained his ears to listen above the rumbling of his stomach. "You promised my son would get two rations at meal time! He's only three; he's still growing! He can't survive on one tiny bowl of food, he needs-"

A sudden _slap!_ resounded throughout the compound and the crowd outside around the bonfire settled into a tense silence. The woman stumbled out of the barracks, one hand on her reddening cheek, her other arm gripping her son, who had now begun to cry hysterically, close to her chest. As she staggered closer Sehun could see her face was wet with tears.

"When I say we have no food, _we have no food_." Myungsook bellowed.

She exited the barracks, sweeping aside the filthy cloth that served as a door and sending a cloud of dust drifting out to mix with the smoldering hillside beyond the refugee compound. Carved deep within her face were harsh lines across her forehead and down the sides of her mouth, which made it seem as if she was constantly scowling. The wrinkles at the corners of her eyes became more prominent when she glared, a sight Sehun knew to be a constant. She stepped forward, arm outstretched, pointing a stern finger at the trembling mother and her wailing baby, and swept it around the area, making sure to catch the eye of every refugee as they sat rigid in their seats and willed their hearts to be still.

"Let this be a lesson to all of you: I am the one who decides who eats and who doesn't. If we have enough food for everyone, then everyone gets to eat. If we don't, some people will have to go hungry."

Next to Sehun, the boy looked down at his second empty bowl of soup with silent shame.

"Those who do not contribute to the health and well-being of this group do not deserve to eat. If you do not pull your weight here, if you do not do your part to see us survive, then you might as well leave now, or you will starve."

"But what about the children?!" the mother cried. She sunk down to her knees, begging. "What can he do other than grow?"

"Any available food goes to those who work first. If there are any leftovers, then they will be distributed to the children. There will be no exceptions." Myungsook stated firmly. She looked to Taewon as if she was waiting for him to speak out of turn. Instead, he simply looked away, staring disgracefully at the dirt between his toes. Myungsook smiled triumphantly and it made Sehun's chest constrict with rage. "I will send a team out tomorrow in search of more food and supplies, but for now, rations are to be cut in half."

The crowd of refugees began to buzz with discontentment. A few even shouted their complaints but were quickly shut down by the people next to them in fear of being punished.

With a quick nudge of her head, Myungsook signaled for Taewon to follow her. He rose from his seat obediently and silently entered the barracks, leaving the rest of the people whispering speculations and insults behind him.  

When the two of them disappeared behind the cloth door, the boy next to Sehun let at a low whistle. "That dude is fucking whipped," he muttered.

Sehun snorted. "It's all just a game for him. If he plays it right, he gets food in his stomach and an extra blanket at night."

"Myungsook is such a bitch though... honestly, is it even worth putting up with her shit?"

Sehun smacked the boy's leg and he cried dramatically. "Shhh! If she hears us you can forget about your second bowl of food tomorrow,"

The gray-haired boy scoffed and then grinned widely. He leaned in close and cupped his hand to Sehun's ear. "You think I don't have my own stash of goods? I'm ready to bolt whenever the time is right. I thought I was rid of her narcissistic ass when she left the north camp. Had I known she was going south, I would've steered clear, but oh well. I don't mind jumping ship a second time." He winked. "I'm a good swimmer,"

"Why are you telling me this?" Sehun questioned.

The boy shrugged. "I like you, kid." His expression suddenly hardened. "And you need to eat. You're skin and bones. I’m willing to share my precious stash of food with you because I know deep down you haven’t given up yet." He smiled knowingly, causing Sehun to roll his eyes.

"Doesn't matter to me anymore," he paused, "besides, you don't look too hot either. And I'm not a kid; I can't be much younger than you."

Another shrug. "I'm twenty-two and I eat like a pig. Always have, always will. No food shortage during the apocalypse is gonna change that." His chuckle faded into an awkward silence. After a few seconds, the boy coughed. "I'm Baekhyun, by the way. Byun Baekhyun of Camp Northern Shithole." He stuck out his hand.

Sehun grinned and accepted the handshake. "I'm Oh Sehun of Camp Southern Shithole. It's a pleasure to meet you,"

Baekhyun laughed. "Likewise,"

"You know," Sehun started, leaning in closer to his new friend. "I overheard Taewon say he wanted to send us out to find food tomorrow."

"Taewon?"

"Myungsook's bitch,"

"Ah," Baekhyun snickered. "Him,"

"Myungsook wants me to stay behind, but if you're eager to leave, I can come with you and we can ditch. I have one condition though. When we leave, we head southwest towards Incheon and the coast."

"What's in Incheon? Family?"

Sehun looked down at his hands, tracing along the clusters of fading scars that covered both of his palms. When he was seven, he and his best friend had been riding scooters down the street. While going down a small hill Sehun had hit a rock in the road and fallen off his scooter. Like any kid who didn't know better, he held out his hands to hopefully soften the impact but instead ended up scraping his hands and knees until they were a bloody red mess. He cried out for his friend, who ran to him immediately and scooped him into his arms, frantically sprinting back up the hill to his house where he washed and bandaged Sehun's wounds.

His friend had always been there for him when they were growing up. Their friendship survived two moves and several school changes. Even when he graduated and went off to college when Sehun was a still junior in high school, Sehun’s hyung had always come back home on the weekends to catch up with his favorite dongsaeng.

His friend had been travelling back from visiting family in Incheon when the world began to end. Sehun had tried searching for him in Seoul in the early days of the mess they now found themselves in, but could not find him. He meticulously combed through his neighborhood and several blocks beyond in attempts to find his hyung. But he had emerged empty handed. And when he had resigned himself to sticking with a group of refugees instead of trying to survive on his own, Sehun held out hope every day that his friend would walk into their camp one morning and they would be reunited.

He had been waiting for eight months. And today, his hope had finally run out.

"Something like that," he answered.

Baekhyun seemed satisfied. "I'm looking for someone too. He could be in Incheon, he could be anywhere. I have no idea. But if I help you find your friend, you have to help me find mine, deal?"

Sehun looked up, staring at Baekhyun hard. "And what if we don't find who I'm looking for? What if he's lying dead in a ditch somewhere? What then?"

"Jesus, don't be such a downer...remind me never to take you to a party," Sehun blinked, unamused. Baekhyun laughed and rubbed at the back of his neck nervously. "Look, we'll cross that bridge if we get to it. For now, let's just make a plan, get some rest, and get the fuck out of here." He stood up and brought both soup bowls over to the makeshift sink just outside of the barracks. Rinsing the bowls out with cloudy brown water from a jug on the ground, Baekhyun stared, seemingly lost in thought, as he swished the water around and around, then watched as it swirled down the drain and dribbled out onto the cracked pavement below. "Tomorrow," he started, lowly, "you eat."

As if on cue, Sehun's stomach rumbled loudly. He felt the heat rush to his face and looked away haughtily. "Fine,"

"I mean it!" Baekhyun insisted. "As much as I want it, do not give me your ration. You need strength if we're going to do this. We have to count on each other,"

"Yeah, yeah, all right, relax." Sehun waved him off. Pushing himself off the wall of the barracks, he rubbed his hands together, feeling the scars brush over each other. He thought of his friend. Was he in Incheon? Was he okay? Perhaps he wasn't even alive and all of this was going to be a giant waste of his time. But still, he had to try. He owed it to his friend to at least attempt to find him. And he owed it now to Baekhyun. With such similar goals it was only right to help each other out. Sehun just hoped it would all be worth it in the end.

"Oi, skinny boy," Baekhyun called. Sehun snapped out of his musings and looked to see Baekhyun ducking into the barracks. "Tomorrow morning. My bunk by the south door. We have some things to discuss." He stuck two fingers out the door in the shape of a V and laughed.

And just like that, Sehun's glass of hope began to fill.


	2. Lighting A Spark

_“Certain bodies…become luminous when heated. Their luminosity disappears after some time, but the capacity of becoming luminous afresh through heat is restored to them by the action of a spark…”_ – Marie Curie

\--

Sehun was standing in a vast expanse of green. All around him the field was quiet; it stretched and disappeared into the horizon in all directions with not a single thing to be seen no matter where he looked. A warm and gentle breeze blew through his hair. It caressed his skin like silk, sending a buzz of electricity bolting down his spine. The thick grass below him bent over like a wave that was rolling through the plains. In the distance, he heard a faint shout being carried by the wind.

He turned around, squinting his eyes. Nothing was distinguishable in the sea of green before him, but as he strained his muscles and narrowed his vision until he could see nothing but a thin sliver of the horizon, he spotted a small black dot wading through the grass. As it came closer, Sehun could see that it was waving. He heard a shout again and suddenly his vision was blurred by tears.

It was _him_.

 

…

 

He was thrown back into the waking world when the sharp squeak of creaking wood pierced his ears. Furrowing his brows and refusing to open his eyes, Sehun desperately tried to cling onto the dream he was already beginning to forget. Somewhere behind his eyelids he could see a giant green smudge, but it quickly faded to black as his body decided that the little sleep he managed to catch that night was enough. He suppressed a tired groan.

Above him, dust fell and landed below his nose, exactly when he decided to take a deep breath and sigh. He promptly sneezed, propelling his upper body forward so he was now sitting up in his bed…if it could even be called a bed. In reality, it was a tattered and filthy mesh of poorly stitched together rags stuffed with dead grass and anything he could find that felt remotely soft. It was the worst excuse for a bed he had ever seen. Sleeping on the ground probably would have been more comfortable.

“Shut the fuck up!” someone hissed a few bunks down. The ensuing silence was broken by angry mumbles and soft-spoken insults sounding from all across the bunker. Sehun scowled in the general direction of the outburst but otherwise held his tongue. He didn’t have the energy to waste on someone as irrelevant as that stranger, and even if he did, he wasn’t keen on getting his ass beat just because he wanted to defend himself.

Instead he stifled a sigh and settled himself back down onto his cot, turning over slowly so as to not make much noise. Closing his eyes, he prayed to the god he knew didn’t exist that he might catch a few more minutes of sleep before he was forced to get up and live through yet another day in hell.

The cot above him creaked again. Before Sehun even had the chance to open his eyes and glare at the ceiling, his upstairs neighbor leaned over the side of his bed and let out a heave so guttural and revolting that Sehun himself almost retched in response. Putrid brown vomit cascaded down like a muddy waterfall and splattered onto the floor next to him, some of it splashing up and adding to the filth on his bedspread, his clothes, his skin.

The smell slammed into Sehun’s nose like he had just run into a concrete wall and he scrambled back like a frightened animal, falling off the other side of his bed and onto the compact ground. When he looked up the man in the cot above him was already falling over the banister, splashing into his own vomit and landing on his head with a dull _thunk_.

The entire bunker was silent. Among the stillness, the only sound to be heard was the delicate plop of thick brown slurry dripping from the banister and onto the floor below, slipping into the puddle already there and slowly dispersing across the hardened dirt.

The woman across the aisle could hardly be bothered to spare the man a quick glance before turning over in her bed. From behind her torso peered the shiny eyes of a young girl, most likely no older than five. She regarded the man with such a vacant look that Sehun could only assume she had seen this happen before. It twisted his stomach and made his bones feel cold. A chill passed through his body and he hugged himself, trying to shake the ominous feeling that he could be the next unfortunate soul to go.

“Sehun?” a voice called. He looked up over his bed and watched a tall, lanky figure emerge from the shadows. It was Baekhyun, and he held in his hand a blanket littered with holes, which he quickly threw over the man who had yet to move from his place among his own coagulating bile.

Sehun moved to stand up. “Don’t look,” Baekhyun warned. He scooped up the shrouded body, trying his hardest not to make a face when his hands came into dangerously close contact with the stomach contents of a complete stranger, and walked out the door in respectful silence.

Sehun watched him go, stunned. He had seen dead bodies before. At least three times a week he would witness someone carrying a stiff lump to their designated burial pit. He was familiar with the ashen gray color of a dead man’s skin, the way a corpse’s eyes glazed over and stared up into nothing. He knew the smell of rotting flesh and rancid gas seeping from bloated limbs.

But this…

Sehun had never seen anything like it.

Numbly, he picked himself off of the ground and dusted off his clothes as best as he could. A small glob of vomit trickled down his cheek and he wiped it away furiously with the back of his hand, then rubbed it into the rough fabric of his pants. He stepped around his bunk towards the door, taking care not to touch the chunky liquid that was slowly seeping into the dirt.

A crowd had begun to gather outside as people stopped their work to watch as Baekhyun carried the dead man across camp. Sehun wriggled between the throngs of people, snaking around bystanders and pushing his way past those rooted to their spots as he struggled to catch up with the gray-haired boy.

When he finally managed to fall into step next to the him, Sehun thought he would pass out from the exertion. Breathless, he patted Baekhyun’s shoulder. “You’re going the wrong way,” he said. He pointed west, towards a large gray wall off in the distance, hidden deep amongst the trees. “The burial pit is towards the river, right behind The Wall.”

The refugee camp was situated just on the outskirts of Seoul and along the eastern bank of the Han River. Almost 20 miles south of Goyang, it was nestled comfortably at the top of some relatively large hills that were part of a once bustling hiking trail. The Haengju Fortress was located there, and its buildings, once pristine monuments to Korea’s past struggles and triumphs, were now severely structurally compromised and crumbling to dust. Still, they served as the only shelter the survivors could find; the open space beyond the Haengju Wall, which stood further towards the river, served as the dumping point for all those that perished.

Baekhyun stopped, turning to Sehun, who looked at him with wide, frightened eyes. He shrugged and gave him a frown. “So? Why should I bury this man behind a stone wall where everyone can forget that he even existed?” He spun around to face the crowd behind him. He wasn’t deaf; he could hear their curious whispers. “Don’t you think this person deserves a proper burial and a peaceful place to rest instead of being thrown in a pit like some discarded trash?”

Suddenly, the crowd began to part. People frantically pushed each other to the side to make way for the woman who was storming past them and shoving anyone in her way to the ground. A pang of fear struck Sehun’s heart when he saw Myungsook tearing down the path, a malicious glint in her eyes. He stepped behind Baekhyun to protect himself. “Now you’ve gone and done it,” he whispered furiously.

Baekhyun rolled his eyes but Sehun could feel him tense up as Myungsook approached them. He hardened his stance, willing his feet to stay rooted in the ground, and with a calm expression he met Myungsook's eyes as she stopped within inches of his face.

"He goes behind The Wall," was all that she said. Baekhyun turned up his chin.

"I don't see why he can't go on the other side of the camp. How many bodies you got behind those bricks anyway? You're probably running out of room."

"You will dump him behind The Wall and you will leave him there. Who knows what diseases he might have? I'm trying to keep the rest of the group safe."

Baekhyun had to purse his lips to keep from scoffing. He looked like he wanted to say more, but decided to hold off and not risk starting something that could turn treacherous in a matter of seconds. "Fine. I _bury_ him behind the wall. But," he called loudly as Myungsook began to walk off. She stopped, not looking back. "You let Sehun come with me on that scouting mission you want so bad."

She was quiet for a while. The crowd of people looked on with worry. Sehun clutched Baekhyun's shoulders, digging his nails into his surprisingly intact sweater and silently praying that they would make it out of this camp alive. It wouldn't be the first time a survivor ditched, only to be hunted down and killed for attempting to leave.

"Very well," Myungsook muttered. "You leave in one hour."

Sehun let out the breath he didn't know he was holding. Taking hold of Baekhyun's sweater, he began to drag the boy back the way they came, avoiding the amazed stares the crowd gave them as they walked past. People were quick to look away when Baekhyun shot them a pressing glare. Many backed off as the wrapped body came too close for comfort. It was only when Myungsook screeched for everyone to get back to work that the group quickly dispersed and Sehun and Baekhyun were left walking through the woods alone.

“Poor son of a bitch,” Baekhyun said sadly as the made their way to The Wall. He looked to his side, catching a glimpse of Sehun’s pale face and shell-shocked stare off into nothingness. “You gonna be okay?”

“I think I’m gonna be sick-”

Baekhyun smiled sorrowfully to himself. “It’s okay. I don’t blame you. I think I would too if I hadn’t seen worse.”

Sehun gave him a pained look, opening his mouth to ask him to elaborate, but decided he’d rather not lose what little contents his stomach had left and instead clamped his jaw shut, preferring to walk in silence.

They made it to The Wall and Sehun pushed open the towering wooden gate, letting Baekhyun walk through before entering behind him. He led the elder a little ways through the trees until they approached a shallow pit in the ground. From just a quick glance Sehun could see a limp hand poking just barely above the dirt’s surface.

He swallowed thickly, averting his gaze. That hand belonged to a ten-year-old boy they had buried no more than a week ago.

Carefully, Baekhyun lowered himself into the pit and placed the body gently onto the ground. He stepped back, looked down, and, deciding it wasn’t good enough, hopped back out and began breaking the low-lying branches off of some trees, then laid them over the corpse in attempts to give it more cover.

Sehun looked on, quiet and unsure what to do. When Baekhyun seemed satisfied he climbed out of the pit, gave it one last, forlorn look, and then collapsed backwards onto the forest floor. Sehun jumped at the sound.

“You know,” Baekhyun began as he peered up at Sehun from behind the arm he had draped over his eyes. “This isn’t exactly how I envisioned our morning meeting would go.”

Sehun suppressed a laugh, since laughing next to a pit of who knows how many dead and decaying bodies was probably the wrong thing to do. “You’re telling me.”

“Here.” Without warning, Baekhyun reached out from behind his back and threw something small and red towards the younger. Flinching, Sehun held up his hands but managed to catch whatever was thrown. He fumbled with his hands, turning the small object over.

“An apple?” he asked incredulously, the moment of realization finally hitting him. It had been so long since he’d seen an apple, let alone any piece of fruit, that he had almost completely forgotten what they looked like. “Where on Earth did you get this?”

Baekhyun smiled cheekily. “I told you. I have my stash.” He produced a second one from his pocket and took a large bite, munching away happily. “Go on, eat up. Might be a little bruised but bruised fruit is still edible fruit.”

Plopping down next to him, Sehun took a tentative bite of the small fruit, and when he tasted the first drop of sweet apple juice, he almost felt like crying. He couldn’t remember the last time he had eaten food that actually looked like food. Though it was just an apple, it might as well have been a four-course meal to him, compared to what was served for dinner the night before.

He devoured the apple in seconds, and while his mind was thankful for it, his stomach was not. It took every ounce of his willpower not to immediately puke everything back up, and as he sat in agony, he almost laughed at the situation: starving to death, but practically unable to keep any food he did eat down. Life was a cruel, cruel bitch.

Eventually the nausea passed and for once Sehun didn’t feel like he was on the brink of passing out. He did feel light headed and his forehead was still pounding, but less so. It was honestly amazing. And to think, with more food in his stomach and more meat on his bones, he could feel like a trillion won all the time.

If there was only one reason that Sehun could think of to keep living, besides finding his friend of course, then eating good food was it.

“So,” he said once he saw that Baekhyun had finished his share of their snack. “I guess we should start making a game plan.” He looked around the desolate forest. “Better to do it now when no one can hear us, I guess.”

Baekhyun hummed in agreement. He forced himself into a sitting position with a grunt. “We have to be back in less than an hour so Myungsook can send us on our way. When she sends people out to hunt does she usually give them weapons?”

It took a second for Sehun to respond. “I don’t think so. I don’t think she would trust someone with a weapon that easily. But I know she has them. They’re stashed away in her room, of course.” When Baekhyun gave him a sly grin, Sehun’s stomach dropped. “No,” he said before the elder even had the chance to speak. “She’ll kill us.”

“We need weapons,” Baekhyun reasoned. “There’s no telling how many crazy fucks are out there. We need to be able to defend ourselves. Or at least,” he looked Sehun up and down, “I need to be able to defend you until you’re strong enough to do it yourself.”

Sehun made a face but otherwise didn’t argue. He knew Baekhyun was right. There were all kinds of thieves, gangs, and straight up murderers out there. Without weapons, it was highly unlikely that they would make it very far. But trying to steal the very weapons they needed to survive could get them killed too; Sehun wouldn’t be surprised.

“Then how do we get them?”

“Come on, Sehun, I know you’re not stupid.” In response to that, Sehun threw his apple core and hit Baekhyun’s leg. “Obviously we gotta steal em. Besides, it’s more fun that way.”

“You’re gonna get me killed before I even get the chance to set foot outside this shithole.”

“Not the plan, but if it happens…” Baekhyun shrugged, a sheepish smile stretched across his face. Sehun was not amused.

“I haven’t even known you for a full day and I already hate you.”

“Now that’s the kind of spirit I’m looking for!”

As much as Sehun tried to hold back, he couldn’t help but crack a smile. Baekhyun noticed and let out a short laugh, and the two of them shared a moment, however briefly, of happiness, before Sehun remembered where they were and what they needed to do. He sobered up quickly, falling silent, wringing his hands together nervously.

“Okay, so. Plan.” he said. Baekhyun straightened his back to signify that he was listening. “Myungsook’s got weapons somewhere in her building. We steal them and then we fucking run for it. We should run straight back here because she’s terrified of what’s behind The Wall.”

“She afraid of dead bodies or something?”

A shrug. “Something like that,”

Baekhyun shook his head, clicking his tongue in disapproval. “Well, she’s gonna have a pretty rude awakening when it’s her turn.”

Sehun hummed thoughtfully. “We still need to get your stuff too. And anything we want to take with us, really.”

“I’ll snatch the weapons, you gather our stuff. Get whatever you want to take with you and then get my food stash. It’s wedged between my mattress and the bed frame. Nothing else matters, just get the food and we’ll be set.”

“You sure?”

There was a prolonged pause. Baekhyun played with his fingers in his lap, nervously shuffling his feet back and forth, carving lines in the dirt. “Uh,” he muttered. “There’s a necklace hanging from the bedpost closest to the door. You don’t have to get it…but it would be nice to have, I guess.”

If he had been looking, he would’ve seen Sehun give him a light smile. “Sure, I can do that.”

He smiled gratefully down at his boots. “Thanks,” He pushed himself off of the ground. A few quick brushes later and he was relatively dirt free. Looking around, Baekhyun’s eyes landed on the covered body in the pit and his expression softened. “We should head out now,” Sehun followed his eyes down into the hole and nodded in agreement. “Did you know him?”

He stared at the body. He could see its toes peeking out from underneath the branches. They were already turning gray.

“No,” Sehun answered. He turned away. Images of that morning danced around in his mind. He didn’t want to remember them. “Not in the slightest,”

“Then let’s get going.”

 

…

 

When they returned to the compound Sehun and Baekhyun split up, both going to complete their respective tasks. Baekhyun went to the right, scanning for anyone who might be watching him before entering the palace building through one of the side windows. Sehun continued straight back towards the shelter.

The refugee compound consisted of two buildings. One, far bigger than the other and still relatively whole, housed Myungsook and Taewon. The few people that the leaders trusted were also allowed to live there since the rooms were nice and there were plenty of them. As for the rest of the group…they were confined to the other smaller building, half of which was already destroyed before they got there, most likely due to looters passing through before the refugees decided to set up camp.

It wasn’t the most ideal shelter, but it was certainly better than nothing. They still had somewhat of a roof over their heads to protect from the rain and while there were holes in the walls it still managed to decently shield them from the wind. It would be better if there weren’t so many dirty, stinky bodies crammed into such a tiny space, but that was just wishful thinking. As long as he had a warm place to sleep, Sehun wasn’t completely miserable.

Sweeping aside the filthy rag that served as a door, Sehun stepped back into the barracks, which were thankfully empty. If someone had been in there while he was gathering his and Baekhyun’s things, they might think he was stealing and then he’d be in even bigger shit than he was about to get into. He side-stepped the still wet puddle of vomit on the floor and went around to the other side of his bed. He stared at it for a long while, losing himself in his thoughts.

There was nothing Sehun could take with him. The bed he slept on was trash. He had no personal items other than the clothes on his back and a picture of his hyung in his pocket. Sehun had come here empty handed and he would leave just the same. But that was okay, he thought. There wasn’t anything he wanted to remember about this hellhole anyway.

He was about to move on to Baekhyun’s cot when a thought entered his mind.

They would need blankets. Badly. Summer was fading away into autumn and pretty soon the temperatures would start to drop. If they had nothing to keep them warm then they would be dead men in no time.

Sighing, Sehun grabbed hold of the end of the bunk bed and hauled himself up to the top. The dead man’s blanket was still there and it was surprisingly intact, not to mention there was no vomit on it. Without another thought Sehun snatched it, then jumped down to the floor, landing hard on his feet and almost buckling in the legs from the impact.

Despite the apple from earlier, he was still starving and weak, so he needed to be careful and not push himself. Feeling his bones creak in protest, he straightened his back, draped the blanket over his shoulders, and made his way to the south side of the barracks.

The bag of goodies was exactly where Baekhyun said it would be, so he quickly grabbed it before anybody came in. On the bedpost hung a thin silver chain with a charm of a small golden bear dangling off the end. It was rather cute, but Sehun didn’t have time to question the meaning behind it, so instead he ripped it off the post, threw it into the bag in his arms, then burst through the hanging cloth and into the harsh morning light…right as he witnessed Baekhyun soaring out of the palace window across the way and sprinting frantically towards The Wall.

 _“Sehun!”_ he yelled, only taking a split second to look behind him before he kept going. “Go! _Run!”_

Sehun looked towards the palace as Baekhyun zoomed off for the woods and saw Myungsook bursting through the front door, her face twisted with absolute rage. Taewon appeared behind her and said something that Sehun couldn’t quite make out. He was too focused on the small black gun in Myungsook’s hand; he watched, heart beating wildly in his chest, fear constricting his airways and the impending sense of doom flooding his mind as she raised the object in front of her, pointed it haphazardly towards the woods, and fired.

In an instant the entire camp was thrown into a tremendous uproar. Those that were outside doing chores halted their tasks immediately and rushed to find their loved ones amongst the terror and confusion and stampeded towards the barracks. Women frantically scooped up their screaming children, rushing towards shelter, their frightened faces glistening with tears.

Another shot rang out above the commotion. Sehun stood in the middle of a sea of chaos, paralyzed by fear, and only willed his legs to move when Taewon struck Myungsook’s shoulder, getting her attention and pointing to Sehun. She swiveled around and fixated the gun on Sehun’s frame, and with a deep breath filling his lungs and not a single second more to think, he ran.

He had barely made it to the tree line and already his legs were burning with overexertion. His lungs felt like they had been set on fire and his stomach was flipping and churning painfully but he did not allow himself to stop. He heard a blast; part of tree next to him erupted and hurled sharp bits of wood in all directions, some of which struck Sehun’s face and caused his skin to sting.

Before he knew it, he had approached The Wall; the gates were wide open and Sehun sprinted through, leaping clear over the pit and continuing onwards into the thick of the woods.

“Baekhyun!” he cried. There was nothing around him except for trees and he was running so fast that they all came together in one brown and green blur. He had absolutely no idea where he was going. He had been running for less than ten minutes but the pit behind The Wall already seemed like it was miles behind him. “Baekhyun, where are you?”

“Sehun?” he heard in the distance. It was coming from directly in front of him, but how far, he couldn’t tell. “Sehun!” Baekhyun called again. “I’m down by the water!”

“I’m coming!” Sehun answered, and slowed down from a sprint to a light jog, but still kept a quick stride. The trees were getting thinner the further west he went, and soon he could hear the gentle lapping of water onto the rocky shore. As the trees disappeared and he could begin to see the sky he hastened his pace until suddenly he was emerging on the other side of the forest, sand and rocks beneath his feet and the Han River stretching out in front of him, almost as vast and as daunting as the ocean.

He slowed to a halt and collapsed onto the sand. Baekhyun hurriedly jogged over to him, long rifle in one hand and a small black pistol in the other. He dropped down to his knees, discarding the guns to the side, and placed his hands on Sehun’s shoulder, pleading for the young boy to look at him. “Are you okay?” he blurted. “Are you hurt? Did she hit you?” He took Sehun’s chin gently with his hand and turned it to the side. “You’re bleeding.”

“I’m going to be sick,” Sehun gasped, chest heaving painfully. “I’m going to fucking hurl. Move,” Weakly, he pushed Baekhyun away and sat up, leaning on his side and vomiting violently onto the sand.

“It’s okay. You’re okay,” Baekhyun rubbed Sehun’s back as his body was racked with heaves. He gave the kid a calming pat on the shoulder. “Hey, we made it. We left.” There was a hint of a smile in his voice that made Sehun want to smile too, if he wasn’t about to expel his entire stomach from his body. “We fucking made it, dude.”

After a moment the nausea passed and Sehun fell back onto the ground, exhausted. He gazed up at Baekhyun, eyes half-hooded with fatigue, and gave him a tired smile, feeling a sense of warmth and safety as he saw the wide grin stretched across Baekhyun’s face. The elder’s eyes disappeared into crescent moons. “Yeah,” he breathed. “We did.”

“Take some time to rest, but we should get going while there’s still light left. Incheon is just beyond the river. We can make it there in just a couple of days, I think.”

“How far is it?”

“Twenty miles? Forty? Who fucking knows, but we can make it in less than a week.”

Sehun stared at the sky, struggling to catch his breath. Colossal, puffy gray clouds flew lazily across the sky, bringing with it the scent of impending rain. He raised his chin as far as his energy levels would allow him to and observed the long red bridge spanning the length of the river. On the other side he could see high-rises belonging to Seoul’s Gangseo District. The air was still and it made Sehun feel uneasy. Before the disaster, the cities were bustling and you could hear their sounds from all the way across the river. Now there was nothing but silence.

“We should at least cross the river today.” he said. Baekhyun twisted from his seat by the water’s edge to acknowledge that he heard him. “The Banghwa Bridge is right over there,” he pointed to the giant metal roadway some ways east down the riverbank.  “We can cross and there should be buildings just a little bit further on the other side. They might be stable enough for shelter.”

“Hopefully.” Baekhyun replied. He leaned back onto the sand. “Let me know when you’re ready to go.”

They laid there together on the sandy beach for a short while, listening to the gentle babbling of the river as it sloshed over the shore’s edge. The atmosphere was peaceful and quiet. Above them, birds sang to each other as they flew west, having a clear view of the destruction below but seemingly undisturbed by it. They had not a care in the world as they disappeared into the horizon, their calls gone with the wind.

Sehun wished he could be one of those birds.

He groaned, hauling himself off of the ground and wiping off his clothes. He checked the bag he came with, finding everything exactly the way it should be. All of the food was there, the necklace was there, and when Sehun searched his pants pocket and felt the familiar crispness of a folded piece of paper, he sighed with relief. He gave it a squeeze, closing his eyes for a brief moment of reflection, and then let go, reaching down to pick up their few belongings.

“Yah,” he called to Baekhyun. The gray-haired boy sat up with a start. “Ready?”

“Mmm,” he hummed in response. He stood up, stretching his arms to the sky, and gave a loud yawn. Lying next to him were the two guns he had stolen, so he picked them up, fiddled with something on the pistol, then chucked it carelessly Sehun’s way.

Sehun leapt away as it came towards him, dropping everything he had in his arms in the process. “What the fuck?!” he shrieked. He regarded the gun with terror. “You can’t just throw a fucking loaded gun at me!”

“Gotta keep you on your toes,” Baekhyun chuckled. He winked at Sehun as he began to walk down the beach towards the bridge. It made Sehun want to punch him in the face. “Relax, safety’s on. Which, by the way-“ he swiveled around, now walking backwards. “You keep that on unless I tell you otherwise, understood?”

“Yeah, yeah…fucking…trying to get me killed…” he muttered angrily under his breath.

“What was that?”

“Nothing,”

He gathered up his things once again and the two of them set off towards the east, following the river towards Banghwa Bridge. Baekhyun whistled and swung his rifle around as he half-walked-half-skipped down the path, Sehun stumbling along behind him, struggling to carry their food and the other gun that felt too heavy and too dangerous in his inexperienced hands.

They frequently stopped to rest; after running for his life and having no food in his stomach to keep him going, Sehun was understandably exhausted. He felt bad having to tell Baekhyun that he needed to sit and just breathe for a few minutes before they could continue, however Baekhyun never seemed to mind. He was always telling him it was no problem, to take as much time as he needed, besides, if Myungsook were to hunt them down she would’ve been there by now, so why worry?

But Sehun still did. He couldn’t help it.

Eventually they made it to the bridge. It towered over them by hundreds of feet and at first glance Sehun was terrified. There was a ladder leading up to the road, so they readjusted their grip on their supplies and began their ascent.

Baekhyun stepped to the side. “Ladies first,” he said, gesturing to the first rung, to which Sehun answered with a glare and a shove to his shoulder.

He took a deep breath, gripped the third rung of the cold metal ladder, and placed his feet on the first. Slowly, he climbed up, first moving his hands to grab the rung above him, then raising his feet and pushing himself towards the top.

“Take your time,” Baekhyun told him gently, “You can stop and rest as much as you need to.”

And Sehun did exactly that. Every fifteen steps or so he needed to pause. His muscles were burning and he longed to fall onto a bed made of the softest, most comfortable feathers in the universe. But as he took a break and viewed at the river and across towards the now mostly abandoned and destroyed district of Seoul, he knew that was just a pipe dream.

The world these days was a cruel and desolate place. Everyone Sehun knew was miserable, only choosing to live because even amidst the literal apocalypse they still would rather suffer through life than embrace death. The people walking around today were shells of their former selves, floating through existence like lost spirits bound to Earth, no sense of the passage of time or what was truly unfolding around them. They chose to remain simply because they knew not what laid in wait on the other side.

Sehun thought he would rather die than be condemned to live in agony for however long the world determined he had left.

But then Baekhyun had come along. Baekhyun said he hadn’t given up yet. Sehun was pretty damn certain that there was nothing left on this planet for him anymore, but from Baekhyun’s faith in him came something incredible.

Hope.

Sehun had hope.

Hope, determination, the will to keep going. Baekhyun showed him that these things were still possible, even amongst so much pain and suffering. Baekhyun lit the spark in Sehun’s heart that allowed him to have the strength and the will to escape that hellhole of a survivor’s camp and set out anew to find his friend. His hyung.

So while sleeping in a comfortable bed might be a pipe dream, it was only a pipe dream for now.

 Things would get better only if Sehun put in the work to make it happen, and he would put in the work because now he had a reason. He had his hyung somewhere out there to look for and he had Baekhyun there to help him. He needed to survive to accomplish the goals he had set for himself.

 Find his hyung. Help Baekhyun. Be safe. Survive.  

 Sehun wanted to survive.

 “Hey,” Baekhyun’s voice entered his ears and he snapped out of his thoughts. Blinking, he remembered that he was fifty feet in the air on a rusty metal ladder and tightened his grip on the rungs. “You’ve been standing there for fifteen minutes. You okay?”

“Uh, yeah.” He shook his head. “Just thinking,”

“Well, when you’re ready…”

They were halfway up to the top of the bridge. With renewed determination, Sehun began to climb, faster this time, so fast that he didn’t have the chance to take a break because by the time his muscles were screaming for rest they were climbing over the threshold and hitting the pavement. He shifted their bag of food to his other shoulder and held his gun close, then grabbed Baekhyun’s hand as he appeared at the top of the ladder.

Baekhyun looked surprised and impressed that Sehun had made the remainder of the climb without pause. He gave Sehun a clap on the back as he surveyed the area. “Good job,” he praised. “You did really well.” Sehun felt his chest swell with pride.

“Thanks…”

Baekhyun began to walk forward, stopping behind every car that he encountered. There were abandoned cars littered across the entire bridge. They were perfect barriers to attack, Baekhyun explained, in case there was anyone else up on the road that might want to harm them. But as they advanced across the river it became clear that they were the only ones up there. Still, they took cover behind every car they crossed, and even stopped to loot some of them, as they figured they might as well look for supplies on the way.

They had just reached the crest of the bridge and could see the city on the other side when Baekhyun stopped. He raised his hand and Sehun halted in his tracks, suddenly becoming aware of his heartbeat sounding in his ears.

“Quiet,” Baekhyun whispered. He peered out from behind the charred remains of a pickup truck. “Do you hear that?”

Sehun shook his head. The only thing he could hear besides the blood rushing in his ears was the whistling of the wind passing through the bridge’s metal arches. “Listen harder,” Baekhyun instructed, and he strained his ears against the noise.

And then he heard it.

Gunshots. Screaming. All at the end of the bridge they were trying to get to.

Sehun eyed Baekhyun worriedly. “That came from the direction we’re headed, didn’t it?”

“Wait a minute.”

So they waited. Gunshots rang out for a little while longer, and then suddenly all fell silent. There was a period of stillness that was broken by frantic wailing and terrified screams.

“Somebody’s hurt,” Sehun whispered, eyebrows furrowed with worry. He tugged on Baekhyun’s sleeve. “We have to go that direction anyway. Let’s help them if we can.”

“It could be a trap. People pretend to be injured to coerce others into helping them, and then they get robbed. Sometimes killed. I’ve seen it happen before.”

“But it might not be. You heard those gunshots…Somebody is seriously hurt down there.” He paused, swallowed. “Or dead.”

Baekhyun moved out from behind their cover, signaling for Sehun to follow. They inched across the bridge at a snail’s pace, stopping every now and then to listen, only to hear the cries get louder and louder as they made their way west.

“Well then we better be careful,” he warned. “Whoever was firing might still be lurking around. Take the safety off your gun but don’t put your finger anywhere near the trigger until I tell you to, understand?"

The younger nodded and did as he was instructed.  It was getting darker now and without electricity on the bridge there was no way for them to see where they were going. They needed to move faster. Waving them forward, Baekhyun continued across the pavement, taking cover at every opportunity, never letting Sehun fall behind but never taking his eyes off of the road in front of him.

_“Kyungsoo-yah! Kyungsoo! Open your eyes, please. Kyungsoo-yah, look at me!”_

“Get down,” Baekhyun ordered. Sehun crouched to the ground immediately as the 22-year old slowly raised himself and stepped out from behind a blue van. They were practically off of the bridge now; just a couple hundred feet and they would be in Gangseo District.

“Who are you?” Baekhyun hollered. Despite his orders, Sehun peered around the van to see who he was talking to. In the middle of the street at the very end of the bridge sat a man with tousled brown hair cradling a body clothed in what looked to be a green military uniform. If he squinted, Sehun could see streaks of red on both of their faces.

“Who are you?” Baekhyun demanded again when he received no answer. He had his rifle pointed at the two of them; Sehun could see that his knuckles were turning white. “Are you injured? Did the assailants leave? I’m not coming down there until I know that it’s safe.”

“Please,” the man begged through loud sobs. “Please, Kyungsoo needs help! He’s bleeding out and I can’t stop it! Kyungsoo-yah, open your eyes, _please.”_

“Are the attackers gone? I won’t ask you again.”

“They’re gone, they’re gone. I killed them. They’re right there. Please help him…”

“Come on, Sehun. Let’s go.”

Sehun scrambled to his feet. He gripped his gun tightly in his hand, fingers away from the trigger like Baekhyun told him now that the safety was off. Jogging to catch up with his protector, he grimaced at the sight of freshly dead, bloodied bodies that were strewn about the street in front of the sobbing man. There were three of them, each wearing a band of tattered blue cloth around their wrists.

Must have been a part of some kind of gang, Sehun thought. He had trouble feeling sorry that they were dead.

Baekhyun scanned the area one last time for any other figures that might be hiding, and, finding none, finally approached the brown-haired man on the pavement and his injured friend. Sehun followed suit, staying just close enough to Baekhyun that he could jump behind him for cover, but far enough so that he didn’t get in his way.

He crouched down next to the two men. The brown-haired man’s face was soaking wet with tears and smudged with blood. The body in his arms was limp; his skin was pale, his entire torso was saturated with red, sticky liquid, and at first glance he didn’t appear to be breathing.

Baekhyun tentatively reached a hand out and grasped the man’s wrist. He waited, staring intensely into the ground as the brown-haired man looked on with utter distress. After a moment Baekhyun removed his hand, wiped it on his pants, and motioned for Sehun to hand him the spoils bag.

“He’s not dead,” Baekhyun started, “but he will be if we don’t stop the bleeding immediately.” He removed the blanket Sehun had stolen and began to wrap it around the man’s torso, the brown-haired man shifting his grip so that it was easier to get to him. “What’s your name?” Baekhyun asked softly as he worked on the injured victim. “Where did you come from and where are you headed?”

“M-My name is Chanyeol,” the brown-haired man managed to answer through his sniffles. He gestured weakly with his head to the man in his lap. “This…this is Kyungsoo. We came down from Gimpo and we’re headed towards Incheon to hopefully board a boat and get out of here. W-We got ambushed and...and Kyungsoo, he…” Chanyeol broke into a fresh wave of tears and he tightened his grip on Kyungsoo, jostling him in such a way that his hand fell limp from his lap and onto the asphalt.

Sehun had to look away. Kyungsoo’s skin was already so pale that it looked gray. It reminded him of his bunkmate, the little boy in the pit. It made him feel sick.

“Well, Chanyeol, we’re headed to Incheon too. Perhaps we can help you. But we can’t stay out here right now; it’s not safe. We need to find shelter.”

“Please…” Chanyeol whimpered. “Please help Kyungsoo. I’m begging you. I will do anything you want me to do if you save him.” He bowed his head, touching his forehead to Kyungsoo’s softly, and squeezed his eyes shut. “I can’t lose him. He’s all I have left.”

Baekhyun gave him a sad smile. “I know what you mean.” He pushed himself off of the ground and dusted off his hands. “Don’t worry, we can patch him up. But we need to get going. Don’t knock him around too much. Be gentle.”

“There’s some apartment buildings down the street, it looks like,” Sehun spoke up timidly. “We could go there…”

“Sounds like a good idea, let’s go.” Baekhyun answered, and began to lead the way.

Sehun fell into step next to him. Behind him, Chanyeol carried Kyungsoo’s motionless, slack body carefully, walking slowly so as to prevent him from moving and bleeding further. He raised his shoulder and brought Kyungsoo’s head up to his chin where he whispered quiet reassurances into his ear, hoping that they could reach him even when he was unconscious.

Sehun tried to tune it out, instead focusing on the sound of gravel crunching under his boots, and kept his eyes on the sky, watching a flock of birds escape the city and head west towards what they probably assumed was safety.

In that moment, Sehun really wished he was a bird.

 

 


	3. Declining

_“We begin to die from the moment we are born, for birth is the cause of death. The nature of decay is inherent in youth, the nature of sickness is inherent in health, in the midst of life we are verily in death.”_ – Gautama Buddha

\--

Baekhyun threw another book onto the dying fire. A wave of sparks splashed upwards, then drifted back down to land on the charred bricks like blazing snow. For a moment the books remained unharmed, but soon the pages were engulfed in flames and curling into themselves, crinkling and blackening with such speed that it seemed like Death itself had stroked the pages, causing withering and decay to spread outward from wherever it was touched.

Chanyeol sat on the floor by the fireplace, his shoulder propping him up on one side and his head being held with one hand as he used the other to gently stroke Kyungsoo’s hair. He stared at Kyungsoo’s pale yet peaceful face with an unreadable expression.

After a moment, he bent down, placing a delicate kiss on Kyungsoo’s forehead, and rested his hand over his chest. It hardly moved as Kyungsoo took shallow breaths, but the fact that it was moving at all was a comfort to Chanyeol, and he rested his head onto the cold tile floor, draping his arm over Kyungsoo’s torso and pulling his body closer to his side.

The apartments that they had scouted were all completely ransacked; every floor was completely stripped of food, couch cushions, bed linens, and anything that might have been useful. It wasn’t frigid outside but it was just chilly enough to warrant the need for some kind of heat, however, with no electricity and no blankets, they were shit out of luck. So they were forced to move on and inspect other buildings, gradually becoming more and more frustrated as they advanced deeper into the city and still couldn’t find a suitable place to sleep for the night.

But then they found the tiny house on the other side of a vast public park. It had been looted previously as well, but surprisingly not to the same extent as the other homes. There was a fire place; they couldn’t find any wood, but there was a shelf full of books in the living room—despite Baekhyun’s reluctance, they used them as fuel after starting the fire with an old newspaper that lay forgotten on the coffee table.

As they expected, the house had no food (save for one lonesome can of chicken stock tucked away in the very back of the pantry) or bottled water, but it did have some bowls sitting in the top shelves of the kitchen cabinets. Baekhyun had a few raw potatoes in his food bag, so he placed them in some of the bowls, then set them on top of the fire in hopes of having warm roasted potatoes for dinner.

For the most part, the house was nice. Broken objects littered the floor and most of the rooms were bare, but it was the best shelter they had managed to find. To Sehun, it was millions of times better than what he had back at the survivor’s camp.

He shifted in his seat on the dusty, ragged couch in front of the fire—the couch was one of the only cushions left in the house besides a tiny twin bed in a child’s room at the end of the hall. He sighed, watching the flames ripple and stretch high into the air after they had completely consumed the newly added fuel.

Baekhyun plopped down next to him, whistling a cheerful tune. He placed a bowl in Sehun’s lap. “Careful,” he warned as he removed his hands sharply from his own dish, shaking them furiously, “it’s really hot.”

Sehun looked down at the potato and he felt his mouth begin to water. “Thanks,” He poked at it and snatched his hand away immediately, eliciting a barking laugh from his couch-mate. He made a face, blew on his food, and then decided that he would have to wait a bit before he could eat, if he could manage to keep it down at all.

“You gonna eat?” Baekhyun called softly to Chanyeol. Chanyeol glanced up, his face taut, and regarded the lone bowl of steaming potatoes on the coffee table that Baekhyun had set out for him with trepidation.

He seemed reluctant to leave Kyungsoo’s side, but a loud growl from his stomach convinced him to rise up and join the other two on the couch. His eyes never strayed from Kyungsoo’s supine figure.

“Thank you,” he mumbled as he took the bowl, hissing when it began to burn his skin. He jostled it around his lap in a futile attempt to cool it faster. “I don’t know if Kyungsoo will be able to eat this…” he trailed off, observing his friend with worry.

“I found some chicken stock that I can heat up for him when he wakes up,” Baekhyun replied dismissively.

 _If he wakes up_ , Sehun wanted to say, but he knew it would only make Chanyeol even more distraught, so he held his tongue.

“I really appreciate that.” Chanyeol finally looked at them directly. “Thank you for everything you’ve done for us. I don’t know if I could ever do enough to repay you.”

Baekhyun shook his head. “It’s really no problem. Believe me, I know the struggle. I would’ve wanted someone to help me too. It’s only fair,”

“Still…you didn’t have to help us. You could’ve walked away, but you didn’t. I can never thank you enough for that,”

“I like to give people chances,” He turned to Sehun, giving him a smile. At a loss for words, Sehun could only nod in response.

“So…” Chanyeol started. Picking up his potato and taking a tentative nibble, he determined that it was cool enough and began to chow down. “Where did you guys come from?” he asked with his mouth already half full.

“We came from Haengju Fortress, just south of Goyang and next to the Mapo District line,” Sehun answered. “You ever been there?”

“Can’t say that I have. Was it nice?”

“Can’t say that it was,”

Chanyeol gave a short nod of understanding. “Sorry,” Sehun simply shrugged.

“It is what it is,”

There was a beat of silence. Baekhyun tilted his head in Kyungsoo’s direction. “Mandatory service?” he questioned.

Another nod. “Army,” Baekhyun hummed with satisfaction.

“So how did you to end up in each other’s company?”

“We’re childhood friends; grew up in Gimpo together. I was supposed to enlist with him but had to postpone so I could take care of my family. He enlisted and then a couple months later the world went to shit and he came straight back home. I don’t know how he managed to find me, but he did.”

Chanyeol was staring at Kyungsoo now, a forlorn smile tugging at his lips. He let out a long breath through his nose. “We heard stories that the west was still habitable so we started heading south towards Incheon to hopefully find a working boat.” He eyed the blood-soaked blanket still wrapped around Kyungsoo’s torso, facing paling considerably. “Then of course…this happened.”

“You’re pretty far to the east of Incheon though…” Baekhyun wondered aloud. “You didn’t head immediately south?”

“We couldn’t. Everything directly south of Gimpo up until the very outskirts of Bucheon is a dead zone. We had to go around and come in from the other side.”

“What happened up there?” Sehun inquired, though he wasn’t sure he really wanted to know the answer. The look of despair that flashed over Chanyeol’s face told him it wasn’t pleasant.

He fidgeted with the bowl in his lap, his ration long gone. There was a long stretch of tense silence before he finally cleared his throat and looked up at the two of them, his eyes shining with unshed tears.

“I’m sure you can imagine that an earthquake right on the coast isn’t _just_ going to be an earthquake,”

Sehun hurriedly averted his gaze. “Oh,”

“I’m sorry,” Baekhyun murmured sorrowfully. “It must be hard,”

Chanyeol didn’t respond.

“Where I was,” Baekhyun continued after a beat, “people were protesting the authorities over unfair distribution of supplies. There was so much violence in the streets…at some point people stopped having a reason for fighting and only seemed to be doing it because they could.”

Silently, he brought up his left hand; Sehun could see the silhouette of his stumped pinky against orange glow of the roaring fire. “Lost half of my fucking pinky finger when some dickbag tried stealing the pillow out from underneath my head while I was sleeping.”

“Did you…kill him?” Sehun whispered. Baekhyun shook his head with pursed lips.

“Kind of wish I did, but whatever. Probably would have killed me first if I tried anything stupid. Yah,” he bumped shoulders with Sehun, causing the younger to look away from the fire and meet his narrowed eyes. “Let that be a word of advice, okay? Don’t kill anybody unless you have a very, _very_ good reason to.”

Sehun made a face. “I’ll keep that mind,”

“I’m serious!” he pressed. “There are all kinds of whackos out there, but there are other people struggling to survive just like us. If someone steals your shit, it’s probably not worth killing them over it. But if you seriously fear for your life…” he made a point to look at Chanyeol and Kyungsoo, “…then I don’t think resorting to force is necessarily a bad thing.”

Chanyeol opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by a sharp intake of breath and a low groan. Immediately he whipped his head around to see Kyungsoo’s face twisted in agony and his body squirming in pain as his hands pawed at the blanket around his stomach.

“Soo!” Chanyeol yelped. He wasted no time scrambling off the couch, falling to Kyungsoo’s side and gripping his friend’s cold, clammy hands into his own. Kyungsoo’s eyes flickered open and he locked gazes with Sehun, who, wide-eyed and suddenly flustered, couldn’t bring himself to look away.

“Who…what,” Kyungsoo rasped, but when he finally realized that Chanyeol was next to him and broke eye contact with Sehun, he visibly relaxed. “Chanyeol?”

“I’m right here, Soo. I’ve got you,” he mumbled. “It’s okay, we’re fine. These people are going to help us,” He gave Kyungsoo a reassuring smile that the shorter attempted to return, only for him to gasp and grit his teeth to keep from screaming in pain instead.

“Fuck,” he growled, breathless, lowering his head back onto the floor. He freed one of his hands from Chanyeol’s death grip; it flitted down to his abdomen and hovered there, unsure of whether or not touching the area would be a good idea. “Fuck, it hurts. What happened?”

“You got shot, Soo. Don’t you remember?”

“Not really. Ow!” He shoved Chanyeol’s hand away from where it had come to rest on Kyungsoo’s hip. “Don’t touch me,” he seethed. “Everything hurts.”

Chanyeol looked horrified. He withdrew his hands in an instant, clutching them close to his chest as if he had just been burned. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he repeated hysterically. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, I’m sorry.”

“No…I’m sorry. I know you didn’t mean to. It’s okay,” Kyungsoo said remorsefully after the white-hot pain faded to a more manageable sharp throb. He held up his hand on his good side, and when Chanyeol hesitantly grabbed it, gave it a weak squeeze.

Kyungsoo exhaled painfully. “We’re safe right?” Taking notice of the two strangers sitting on the couch across from him, he nudged his head their way. “Who are they?”

“They saved us, Soo.”

“I’m Baekhyun,” the gray-haired stranger greeted. He offered Kyungsoo a toothy smile. “Are you hungry? I found a can of chicken broth that I can heat up for you. Unless you think you can stomach a roasted potato.”

“Soup is fine,” he replied thinly. He caught Sehun’s eye. The boy hadn’t stopped staring at him since he regained consciousness. “And you are?”

Sehun blinked, startled out of his musings. He felt a burning heat rise to his cheeks and leaned away from the fire. “Um, I’m Sehun.”

“They were crossing the bridge when we got ambushed,” Chanyeol explained. Next to him, Baekhyun opened the can of broth and poured half of it into a bowl, placing it amongst the smoldering ashes in the fireplace. “They took us in and we found shelter further in the city.”

“How long has it been? Did we make it to Incheon?”

Chanyeol shook his head nervously. “No, we’re still a bit northeast of Bucheon. You’ve been out for about six hours now, I think. I don’t really know what time it is, to be honest.”

Baekhyun glanced down at his wrist. He wasn’t even wearing a watch. “I’d say it’s about quarter past nine.”

“Fuck,” Kyungsoo muttered irritably. He tried shifting away from the fireplace but whimpered when a bolt of pain radiated out from his side as soon as it moved even a millimeter. “Fucking bastards…I’m gonna kill them.”

“Don’t worry about that…I…I took care of them,”

He blinked up, eyes wide with surprise. He had the roundest, whitest eyes Sehun had ever seen. It kind of reminded him of an owl. “You killed them?”

Chanyeol shrugged, unapologetic. “Well, what else was I supposed to do?” he asked incredulously. “Let them shoot me too?”

“Did you get hurt?”

He shook his head. “No, I’m fine.”

“Soup’s ready!” Baekhyun exclaimed cheerfully. He gripped the edge of the bowl with just his fingertips, trying not to burn himself as he transferred the bowl to the coffee table and set it down onto the wood gently. “I didn’t heat it up for too long because I didn’t want it to burn your tongue,” he explained. Looking down, he observed the way Kyungsoo cringed as he tried to push himself upright so that he was resting on his elbows. “You gonna be able to sit up and eat?”

Kyungsoo shot him an icy glare. “I’m fine,” he insisted, but howled with pain when he tried twisting his torso so that he could stand. His arms gave out and he dropped back onto the floor, his head smacking against the cold tile. But instead of crying out in distress he fell silent.

“Soo!” Chanyeol lifted up his head carefully, maneuvering it so that it came to rest in his lap. Kyungsoo, dazed and his head exploding with searing agony, blinked up towards the ceiling, his vision fading in and out of focus. Chanyeol noticed the distant look in Kyungsoo’s eyes and felt his stress levels skyrocket. “Kyungsoo, can you hear me?”

“You should move him to the couch,” Baekhyun suggested hastily, sliding over to create more room. “It’s more comfortable and it’ll be easier to feed him that way.”

Chanyeol nodded in agreement. He lowered his head so that his mouth hovered just near Kyungsoo’s ear. “I’m gonna have to pick you up, Soo. It’s only for a little bit, but it’s probably gonna hurt.” All Kyungsoo could manage was a short grunt in reply.

Chanyeol positioned himself by Kyungsoo’s side and slid his arms underneath his back. With a deep breath, he hoisted his body upward, trying his hardest not to rock the limp body around too much, but the movement caused Kyungsoo to moan in distress anyway.

He only took two steps before he was at the couch and he carefully lowered Kyungsoo onto the cushion, making sure to place his head where his neck could be supported by the armrest. Kyungsoo gazed up at him, but Chanyeol wasn’t sure if his face was actually registering in his mind. He placed a tender hand on Kyungsoo’s head, caressing it delicately.

“You’re okay,” he whispered. He hated the way Kyungsoo stared right through him; it made his heart constrict with concern. “Are you hungry?”

He hummed, seemingly understanding the question, so Chanyeol picked up the bowl of lukewarm chicken broth and brought it to Kyungsoo’s lips, tipping it slowly so that he didn’t give Kyungsoo more than he could swallow.  He greedily slurped up the soup until the entire bowl was empty and Chanyeol had to ask Baekhyun to heat up the rest.

After a second round of soup and time to recuperate, Kyungsoo seemed to come around to a state of awareness again. He raised the hand that was hanging over the side of the couch and felt around the air for Chanyeol’s. When Chanyeol extended his hand to meet Kyungsoo’s, Kyungsoo clasped it tightly and refused to let go.

Chanyeol smiled, though Kyungsoo wasn’t looking at him, and shuffled over to sit by the side of the couch, laying his head on the small empty space next to Kyungsoo’s shoulder.

“I’m tired,” Kyungsoo murmured. He felt Chanyeol squeeze his hand.

“Go to sleep, then. I’m right here.”

Twenty minutes later, both were fast asleep, soft snores blending together as they breathed in unison, their fingers still securely intertwined.

Baekhyun sighed as he leaned back into his seat. He closed his eyes, humming to himself contently.

“They’re pretty cute,” he spoke abruptly, causing Sehun to almost jump out of his skin, “aren’t they?”

Sehun shrugged as he willed his heart to slow down. “Yeah, I guess.”

“You know, I was wondering. The person you’re hoping to find in Incheon…do they mean to you what Kyungsoo means to Chanyeol? Or is it a different kind of relationship?”

Sehun didn’t answer right away. He had never really thought about his relationship with his hyung that way—more than just a friend, more than just someone he looked up to. But he supposed it wasn’t that far-fetched of an idea. There weren’t many people he would cross the country for amidst the throes of the apocalypse, especially when he had no idea if they were even still alive. It just felt like something he _had_ to do.

He _needed_ to find his hyung. He missed him, more than he would ever admit. He missed his smile, his voice, his arm draped across Sehun’s shoulders as they walked around their neighborhood together, simply enjoying each other’s company and destressing after a tough day at school.

Was that love?

Sehun had no idea.

“Aish, why are you so nosy?” he settled for asking instead. Baekhyun smirked at him cheekily and, without opening his eyes, reached over to ruffle his hair playfully, which Sehun tried unsuccessfully to avoid. He huffed, flattening his hair after it had been ruined, and twisted away with a pout on his face.

“I just wanna know what you’re thinking about,” Baekhyun clarified, admittedly sounding truthful. “You’ve been so quiet today. What’s on your mind?”

“I thought Kyungsoo was going to die.”

Baekhyun opened his eyes. Chanyeol and Kyungsoo were still fast asleep when he checked, so he relaxed somewhat once he realized they wouldn’t be able to hear that comment. “…Oh?”

“You saw him. He was on the brink of death. I’ve seen that so many times, I expected it to happen. I was prepared. But he’s alive.” He faltered. “I don’t know what to think about that.”

“You should be happy, shouldn’t you? He might not be out of the woods yet but I think he has a decent shot.”

Sehun shook his head, trying to explain his line of thinking more to himself than to Baekhyun. “No, I know that, but…I don’t know. I see how happy Chanyeol is that Kyungsoo’s getting better but I just keeping thinking, what if that’s not me? What if Junmyeon is dead? What if I don’t get to feel that same happiness of having him with me and knowing that he’s going to be okay?”

“Junmyeon?”

“My hyung. The person I’m looking for.”

A pause. Baekhyun twiddled with the charm hanging from his neck, a nervous habit he had developed over the last few months. He began to worry his lower lip between his teeth. “If you still think like that, then what was the point of you coming with me?”

Sehun glanced at him, confused.

“You said you wanted to find your hyung.” Baekhyun continued. “I told you I would help, and you accepted. So that must mean you have hope, the will to keep looking because you _know_ he’s out there, right? Don’t think about the worst-case scenario, otherwise you’ll never go anywhere. You’ll just end up right back where you started.”

He cocked his head to the side. “Do you really want to live a hopeless, miserable life? Or would you rather have faith and work for something that’s important to you and, regardless of the outcome, say that you tried?”

It made sense. At least, Sehun thought it did. Though he wasn’t really sure what he was talking about, if he was being honest.

All he knew was that he didn’t want to be disappointed. To be crushed. To go back to that cesspool of a life at the refugee camp. He couldn’t return to that existence, living amongst people that didn’t really care about him, that were waiting for him to die so they could loot his corpse in hopes that whatever he possessed might help prolong their miserable lives for yet another day.

He wanted to be safe. He wanted to be happy. And he could only truly be happy if he had his hyung by his side.

Baekhyun was right. He couldn’t afford to think the way he currently was. He owed it to Junmyeon to believe that he was alive and to fight to find him.

But still. He worried.

Sehun shook his head in a vain attempt to rearrange his thoughts. “This is too confusing,” he lamented. He watched with a strange sense of foreboding flooding in his chest as the last glow of light in the fireplace was snuffed out. The room fell into unnerving darkness. “I’m too tired for this shit.”

“Get some rest,” Baekhyun said sympathetically. Taking his own advice, he curled up into a ball and tucked his head in his arms. “We have a long day tomorrow. We need to search for supplies as we move deeper into the city. We need food, water, new clothes, and medicine if possible for Kyungsoo. It’ll be hard, but I think we’ll manage.”

Sehun hummed in response, hugging himself as a shiver went down his spine and spread across his body, invisible icy tendrils slithering over every inch of his skin. He sighed, willing his mounting stress to leave with his breath, and closed his eyes, struggling to remember the dream that escaped him earlier that morning.

Hopefully tomorrow would bring him closer to finding Junmyeon and the safety and happiness he so desperately craved.

“Goodnight, Sehun.”

“Goodnight, Baek.”

 

...

 

The next morning, Baekhyun and Chanyeol were up early, the two men stirring into consciousness before dawn had the chance to rise and flood the world with soft morning light.

Chanyeol’s hand was still interlaced with Kyungsoo’s when he opened his eyes. He wanted to let their touch linger for a little while longer, but reluctantly he pulled away, raising his stiff limbs to the ceiling, coaxing the sore muscles into action after having been draped awkwardly across the couch for hours.

Next to him, Baekhyun had already climbed off of the sofa and was straightening his clothes. He stifled a yawn, bending over to touch the tips of his feet. On the way back up he groaned in discomfort, but quickly quieted when he saw Sehun turn over in his sleep.

“Morning,” Chanyeol whispered. Baekhyun flinched at the unexpected sound but still managed to turn around and greet him with a tired smile.

“Hey, sleep well?”

A loud popping sound in Chanyeol’s hip as he raised himself off of the floor answered that question. Chanyeol stretched again, feeling a knot loosen in his lower back. “Well,” he finally said, “I’ve slept better.”

He looked down at Kyungsoo. The male’s chest was rising and falling steadily and his skin didn’t look as pale as it did the day before, a sure sign that he was on the road to recovery. Though his brows were drawn slightly inwards, giving him a faint expression of discomfort, he otherwise looked peaceful.

“How is he?” Baekhyun wondered, following his line of sight down to the injured figure.

“He looks better. Won’t know for sure until he wakes up and tells us how he feels, though.”

“True…” Baekhyun padded over towards the window. He separated part of the blinds with his fingers, peering out into the city, scanning the roadways for anyone or anything. “Whole lot of nothing out there,” he reported. He let out a disgruntled puff of air.

“There’s no way this entire city is empty. That gang has to be around somewhere...probably close by so they can ambush people crossing the bridge.”

“Hmm,”

“Are we going out to collect supplies?” Chanyeol questioned. His gaze drifted back and forth between Kyungsoo and Sehun’s sleeping forms, watching their chests move with every shallow breath. “Kyungsoo obviously can’t come, but he can’t stay here alone either in case somebody tries to loot this place.”

Baekhyun tapped his foot against the carpeted floor, drummed his fingers on the windowsill, thinking. “We need supplies,” he agreed. “But I don’t know if I want to leave Sehun behind.”

Chanyeol swallowed the scoff that threatened to spill from his mouth. He really shouldn’t have been criticizing the person that had literally saved him and his boyfriend’s lives (well, mainly his boyfriend’s), but Baekhyun needed to see reason.

“Someone needs to keep an eye on Kyungsoo, and no offense but I think I would be more useful out there than Sehun.” He stole a glance at the boy in question. Still asleep, thankfully.

He didn’t mean to put Sehun down like that, but he and Baekhyun both knew that Sehun was too weak to go out and scavenge with them. If they happened to come across any supplies, he might not be able to carry the load. And what if they encountered more gangsters? What if they had to escape in a hurry? Sehun just didn’t have the stamina to keep up.

Baekhyun knew all of this was true, but it still sounded wrong coming from Chanyeol’s lips. His next breath came out more forcefully than he intended and he sighed loudly, causing Chanyeol to shoot him an apologetic look and open his mouth, either to retract his statement or change the subject.

Whatever it was, Baekhyun didn’t give him the chance to speak, for he crossed the living room, bumping into Chanyeol’s shoulder when he could’ve easily gone around him, and stepped into the kitchen, grabbing a pen and paper that had been left lying around and scribbling out a quick note.

He placed the notepad in Sehun’s lap. Then, without a word, he picked up his rifle that lay on the coffee table. “Let’s just go,” he said indifferently. “We’ll only go out till noon, then come back here and reassess our situation. You can empty out my food bag and we can bring that, in case we find anything.”

Chanyeol did as instructed, not wanting to anger his savior any more than he had already seemed to, and soon the two were out the door, guns in hand, both worried for the friends they were leaving behind.

 

…

 

The sun was already high in the sky by the time Sehun had come around. The room was still dark, Baekhyun having preferred that the blinds stay closed while they were gone, and Sehun had to strain his eye muscles in the darkness before he realized he was alone.

Well, not entirely alone, as he remembered Kyungsoo was now with them and looked to see his body still laying in repose on the couch to his right. He saw the gentle rise and fall of the man’s chest and he relaxed somewhat.

Though he was comforted by Kyungsoo’s presence, he was still practically on his own, since Kyungsoo was in no shape to defend them if anything happened. He could feel his anxiety already creeping up, worst case scenarios and _what-ifs_ running through his mind.

He got up from his seat to pace the room when he felt something slide from his lap and onto the floor. Looking down, he spotted a rectangular pad of paper, which he picked up and turned over, trying to decipher the chicken-scratch that was written there.

 

 _Gone with Chanyeol to find supplies. Should be back by noon.  
__Keep your gun by you at all times. Don’t open the blinds._  
_Do not open the door for anyone. If anyone stops by, hide immediately._  
 _When we get back we’ll say the secret password, which is “magic bananas”._

_Rest up. Look after Kyungsoo._

_\- Baekhyun_

_(PS. You can snack on some of the food on the table, but please don’t eat all of it.)_

 

Sehun’s attention shifted towards the abundance of snacks on the coffee table: two apples, a bag of potato chips, one third of a loaf of wheat bread, one large chocolate chip cookie, and a box of strawberry pepero.

His mouth watered at the delicious sight. How on Earth had Baekhyun managed to find all of this food and prevent himself from eating it all in one sitting?

Though his stomach rumbled painfully, he resisted the temptation laid out in front of him. He still felt horrible for eating and then vomiting up one of Baekhyun’s apples the day before. It just seemed like such a waste. And even though he managed to keep down the potato from last night, he didn’t want to push his stomach any farther. So he resigned himself to doing anything other than looking at the food before him.

He decided to take this time to explore the rest of the house. It was miniscule, one story tall, with barely any rooms. The kitchen and living room were open to each other, with a hall in between them that led to two bedrooms, one a kid’s bedroom and the other he assumed was the master bedroom. There was one tiny bathroom at the very end of the hall, so tiny it didn’t even have space for a shower.

Exploring the house took a grand total of five minutes. There was nothing interesting in any of the rooms, so Sehun returned to the living room, choosing instead to browse the books that remained on the bookshelf by the fireplace. He picked one at random, plopping back down onto the couch, and making sure that his pistol was next to him where he could reach it in a flash, he cracked open the book and began to read.

Not even two pages into the book and he was interrupted by Kyungsoo’s sharp shriek of pain as he attempted to sit up and rest his back against the couch’s armrest. Sehun dropped the book immediately, rushing over to the injured man and putting a hand on his shoulder.

“Let me help you,” he said, but Kyungsoo shrugged him off.

“I can do it by myself,” Kyungsoo hissed through gritted teeth. He screwed his eyes shut, hands balling into fists, and pushed into the couch, forcing his body upward. Sehun watched with growing unease as Kyungsoo’s face went from pale white to beet red due to the sheer effort that went with suppressing a scream as he moved his torso.

When he finally positioned himself the way he wanted, Kyungsoo grew still, panting heavily like he had just run a marathon. He swore tersely under his breath, hands travelling down to press on his side.

“Are you okay…?” Sehun asked hesitantly. It was a stupid question, he knew, and Kyungsoo knew it too when he cracked one eye open and glared daggers the young boy’s way.

“I got fucking shot in the abdomen. Do I look fucking okay to you?”

Sehun swallowed. “Not really…”

Kyungsoo sighed. “I’m sorry. Being in excruciating pain makes a guy irritable, you know?”

Sehun thought back to all the times he had one foot on Death’s doorstep due to the lack of food and could sympathize. Flirting with starvation made him want to kill anyone that even looked at him the wrong way, so he couldn’t blame Kyungsoo for being cross all the time.

“It’s okay,” he replied. “I understand.” He felt his stomach rumble again but he ignored it, gesturing to the food on the table. “Are you hungry?”

Kyungsoo didn’t bother to look over. “Not really.”

They fell into silence after that. Sehun picked up his book again, continued where he left off. He got another three pages into the first chapter when-

“Where did Chanyeol go?”

“He went out with Baekhyun to find supplies. They should be back around noon, so like in an hour or so, I think.”

“Oh,”

More silence, this stretch longer than the first. Sehun was now on Page 8. He went to turn another page-

“Did they say how far into the city they were going?”

Sehun fought against releasing an annoyed stream of air through his nose. “Nope.”

“Well, hopefully they didn’t go too far.”

“Mmm hmm,”

Even more silence. This time it seemed like it would last. The book Sehun had grabbed off of the bookshelf was actually pretty interesting; fourteen pages in and the main character had already been fired from her job, kicked out of her apartment, and her boyfriend had broken up with her. He was just about to go on to Page 15 and read something about a positive pregnancy test when, of course-

“So…”

“Oh my god.” Sehun snapped the book shut with a little more force than was probably necessary and slammed it onto the couch next to him. Kyungsoo started, twisting his neck to stare at Sehun wide-eyed.

“Are you-“

“I’m just fabulous.” He retorted before Kyungsoo could even finish his sentence.

Kyungsoo raised an eyebrow. “You seem high-strung.”

He wanted to slap him upside his stupid head, he really did. “Gee, I wonder why.”

“I’m just trying to make conversation so we don’t sit here and die of boredom while we wait for our stupid boyfriends to come back. Fucking sue me,”

“Baekhyun’s not my boyfriend,”

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes and dismissed the comment with a flippant wave of his hand. “Whatever, man.”

They fell into silence again. Sehun didn’t bother to pick up his book. He sighed, feeling the food on the table pulling at him again. Tentatively, he reached out for one of the apples. He held it in his hands for a few moments, fighting a battle between his self-discipline and his stomach.

In the end, his stomach won and he bit into the apple, reveling in its crisp taste. Even if he were to eat nothing but apples for the rest of his life, the first bite would never get old.

He reclined in his chair, munching away happily, regarded Kyungsoo out of the corner of his eye with a nagging sense of curiosity creeping in his mind, despite the fact that Kyungsoo was annoying the fucking shit out of him right now.

More specifically, he had a nagging curiosity about his relationship with Chanyeol. Baekhyun’s words from the night before echoed in his mind.

_“The person you’re hoping to find in Incheon…do they mean to you what Kyungsoo means to Chanyeol?”_

But what did Kyungsoo mean to Chanyeol? And what did Chanyeol mean to Kyungsoo?

“So…Chanyeol seems to like you a lot,” he began lamely. Sehun never really was good at starting conversations with people. He internally face-palmed when Kyungsoo gave him the most emotionless expression he had ever seen.

“Well he wasn’t being very subtle about it, was he?”

Sehun ignored the mocking sarcasm. “You two are dating?”

“Yes we are. Why exactly do you care?”

“I’m just curious. Sue a man for being curious, Christ.”

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes yet again. “Yes, we are dating. We have been for at least three years now.”

“So you love him?”

“Of course I love him. If I didn’t love him I wouldn’t date the fucking giraffe now would I?”

“But how did you come to the realization that you loved him?”

Kyungsoo threw his hands up in exasperation. “What is this?” he complained. “Twenty questions?”

“I’m just _curious_ ,” Sehun repeated, sounding out the individual syllables on the last word.

“Well you picked a weird fucking topic to be curious about.”

“I don’t know man, isn’t it weird for childhood friends to become lovers?”

“Honestly not as weird as you think,”

Sehun blinked in surprise. “Wait. Really?”

Kyungsoo craned his neck to look Sehun in the eyes. He couldn’t believe he was having this conversation right now. He was tired, in pain, and this little brat wanted to talk about _love?_

The look on Sehun’s face indicated that he wouldn’t let this topic go, however, so Kyungsoo had no choice but to relent.

Well, he could just simply stop responding and pretend to be asleep (or dead), but he figured he might as well entertain the kid while they waited for Baekhyun and Chanyeol, stuffed up in this tiny-ass house together with nothing better to do with their time.

“Yes,” he answered. “I’ve seen plenty of people who grew up together just as friends suddenly start dating. It’s really not that uncommon.”

“But like…how do you know if you like… _like_ your friend instead of just having a really good friendship with them?”

“You just know,”

Now it was Sehun’s turn to give Kyungsoo a deadpan look. “Wow. I’ve been enlightened. Thank you, oh wise and powerful Kyungsoo.” His voice was dripping heavily with sarcasm and it made Kyungsoo scowl.

“Look, I can’t explain it. It’s like…you can have friends, and you can survive without seeing them for a while, right? But when you like someone, you can’t bear to be away from them. You always want them by your side…and you feel…I don’t know, you feel safe with them, or something. You just want to be around them all the time because they make you happy and warm inside or some stupid shit like that.”

Something about what he said sounded familiar. _Happiness, safety, you want to be by their side…_

“Do you miss Chanyeol right now?”

Kyungsoo frowned. “Of course I do. I wish he had given me a head’s up before he left, the bastard.”

“And you feel safe when he’s with you?” Sehun pressed.

“Even more so because now I _have_ to depend on the giant doofus.”

“So you don’t feel safe right now? Even when I have a weapon and can shoot someone that tries to come in?”

Kyungsoo sighed. This endless stream of stupid questions was starting to get on his nerves. “I don’t know man. Look, you’re giving me a headache, can we just-“

There was loud pounding on the door. Sehun whipped around in his seat, his hand instantly darting out and gripping the small black pistol like it was his lifeline. Muffled chatter came through the walls and Sehun stood, his whole body shaking, proceeding to the front door where he held the gun in front of him, willing his hands to be still.

 _“Magic bananas~!”_ a sing-song voice called, and in an instant Sehun sagged with relief.

It was just Baekhyun and Chanyeol. They were safe.

He opened the door and Baekhyun walked in, strutting like he was coming down some kind of luxurious catwalk. In his hands was his spoils bag, bursting at the seams with goodies. Chanyeol filed in behind him, rolling his eyes at Baekhyun’s ridiculous antics but his expression quickly lighting up when he spotted Kyungsoo sitting up and looking a lot livelier than before.

"Soo!" he yelled happily, shuffling over to the man with his arms outstretched for a hug. He leaned down, careful not to knock into Kyungsoo's side, and gave him a loose hug, planting a firm kiss on his lips at the same time.

Sehun watched as Kyungsoo's demeanor reversed like someone had flipped a light switch. He smiled up at Chanyeol, cupping one side of his face with a gentle hand. "How did it go out there?"

"Dude, we got supplies for days~" Baekhyun answered instead, dumping the contents of his spoils bag all over the coffee table. Several bottles of water spilled out, followed by bags of chips, canned meals, boxes of pasta, and many other things that Sehun couldn't believe he was actually seeing. Eyes wide, he rifled through the pile, touching everything he could and trying to comprehend the fact that _they had food and now they wouldn't have to starve._

"Holy shit," Kyungsoo and Sehun breathed at the same time. Baekhyun chuckled at their astonished expressions.

"No shit, right? I was amazed too. A whole grocery store that was only half empty. There must not be that many people left in this city after all."

"We should probably move then, if there's more food available." Kyungsoo suggested. "We should be closer to the source. And besides, we need to start heading to Incheon anyway."

"Kyungsoo..." Chanyeol said disapprovingly. "You're still hurt. You can't push yourself that hard."

Kyungsoo furrowed his brows in annoyance. "It's not like I'm on the brink of death. We should start moving as soon as possible so there's still food left by the time we get there."

Chanyeol opened his mouth to retort, but Baekhyun beat him to it. "How about," he offered, "we fill our stomachs now, rest for a bit, and then head out just before dusk? That way we can get some food in our system, gain some strength, and head out while there's still light, but travel under the cover of darkness."

"I'm cool with anything," Sehun shrugged. "But I'd rather get going sooner than later, if I'm being honest..."

Chanyeol still didn't look convinced. He turned to Kyungsoo again, but whatever concerned look he was going to give him melted away immediately when he saw Kyungsoo pouting his lips and opening his eyes wide, pleading in the cute way he knew Chanyeol could never resist.

"Kyungsoo..." The man in question blinked at him, feigning tears. After a brief glaring contest the taller man sighed, defeated. "...Fine. We can leave tonight."

Sehun didn't miss the satisfied glint in Kyungsoo's eyes. "This will be good," Kyungsoo said tenderly, patting Chanyeol's knee with a warm smile. "I have a good feeling about this."

 

...

 

"I have a bad feeling about this,"

Sehun and Baekhyun were already waiting by the door, guns in hand, one large bag of food now split into two smaller ones to more evenly distribute the load. Sehun shifted, feeling impatience bubble up in his chest as he watched Chanyeol hover around Kyungsoo like a moth attracted to a flame.

Several hours had gone by. They had eaten, Baekhyun even making a toast to their newfound friendship, and they had all taken a short nap after their feast to recharge before their excursion later in the day. Now, it was time to leave, but there was a slight problem.

Kyungsoo took a step forward, the whole right side of his body exploding with pain. There were white spots in his vision but he pressed forward, willing his feet to come off the ground and advance further. Chanyeol buzzed around him, arms at the ready in case Kyungsoo's legs gave out and he crumpled to the ground.

"Chanyeol, for the last time, I'm _fine."_ Kyungsoo grumbled. He tried his best to ignore the feeling of his skin sticking to his uniform like someone had dumped a whole bottle of glue on him and it hadn't had the chance to dry yet. He felt a hand clamp down on his wrist as he stumbled.

"You feel warm," Chanyeol observed with worry. As Kyungsoo stepped into the light pouring in from the open doorway, a thin sheen of sweat glimmered on his forehead. "You didn't happen to find any acetaminophen or ibuprofen in that grocery store, did you Baek?"

The unofficial group leader shook his head. "No, the entire pill section was wiped clean."

"Let's just go," Kyungsoo insisted, feeling more agitated by the second. He put a hand to his side, blinking away the spots in front of him, and pressed on. His movements were just barely faster than that of a turtle, and even though Sehun knew Kyungsoo couldn't help being injured, he couldn't shake the thought that Kyungsoo was just going to slow them down and then they would never make it to another point of shelter in time.

"It would be faster if I carried you," Chanyeol argued, and with that comment Kyungsoo threw up his hands in defeat.

"Fine. You want to carry me? Then fucking carry me. Let's just get moving already."

Without a word, Chanyeol readjusted his gun on his shoulder, scooped the shorter man into his arms, walked past Sehun and Baekhyun straight out the door.

Sehun watched Chanyeol walk away with a huff. He turned back to Baekhyun and they both shared an awkward look.

"You ready?" Baekhyun asked, closing the door behind them. He patted Sehun's shoulder comfortingly and ruffled his hair for extra measure.

"Yeah," Sehun mumbled in reply, and followed Baekhyun as he began to walk. They quickly caught up to Chanyeol and began their journey further into the heart of Bucheon.

Not even five minutes into the long walk ahead of them and Kyungsoo had passed out in Chanyeol's arms.

"I knew this was a bad idea," Chanyeol mumbled to himself, but forged ahead anyway, unwilling to look back.

 

...

 

By the time they had found a place to set up camp for the night, Chanyeol was sweating. Not because it was hot out and not because after miles of walking he had finally worked himself up to that point. No, he was sweating because of the sheer amount of heat Kyungsoo was radiating as he laid slack in his arms.

"One more flight, I promise," Baekhyun whispered without turning around. He advanced up the stairs, moving at a snail's pace and placing his foot on every step soundlessly. The stairwell they had found themselves in echoed like mad when even the faintest sound was made; having no idea if there was anyone else in the building with them, they erred on the side of caution, trying to make as little noise as possible so they didn't get caught.

Sehun was struggling to keep up. His muscles were exhausted after already climbing four flights of stairs and his heart was beating wildly in his chest. Every breath he took sounded deafening in the silence of the stairwell so he tried to force himself to take shallower breaths, but it made his lungs feel like they were burning and he couldn't help but inhale and exhale more audibly then he would have liked.

"Tell me again why we couldn't just find a room on the first floor? Or the second?" Sehun wheezed.

Baekhyun pressed a finger to his lips, giving Sehun a glare of warning as he rounded the staircase. He beckoned for the rest of the party to follow and they all did, albeit with silent protest.

They emerged onto the fifth floor of an office building located less than a block from the grocery store Baekhyun and Chanyeol had raided earlier that day. There were cubicles everywhere, but Baekhyun advanced to the back of the floor, towards a single office with a wide view of the city. The wall separating it from the rest of the office space was made of frosted glass, so while it wasn't ideal for hiding behind if someone decided to search this floor, it also made it easy to see that there was no one inside, so it was safe to enter.

Well, it would be if the door wasn't locked.

Baekhyun exhaled loudly in frustration. "Back up," he ordered. Sehun stepped away from him, but didn't stray far. "Sehun, watch the stairwell. Chanyeol, you watch the rest of the floor."

Before anyone had the chance to even move their heads to where they were supposed to be looking, Baekhyun lifted his right foot, slamming it into the doorknob and wrenching the door open with such force that it almost came off of its hinges. The burst of air that rushed in afterwards stirred the papers already on the floor and knocked others off of the lone desk in the middle of the room.

"We're home!" Baekhyun announced and waltzed in, slinging is pack off of his shoulder and falling into the plush leather swivel chair with a small noise of contentment.

The office was surprisingly spacious. A large desk sat in the middle of the room, facing towards the floor to ceiling windows that gave an extensive view of the city below. Dusty gray filing cabinets lined the right wall, while a comfortable looking black leather couch sat up against the left, flanked on either side by similar styled chairs. More shelves were lined against the wall of frosted glass, blocking some of the view into the rest of the office space.

Sehun dragged himself to one of the chairs and crashed into it unceremoniously. An exhausted sigh escaped his lips and he closed his eyes, relishing in the feeling of sinking into soft foam. Next to him, he sensed Chanyeol gently placing Kyungsoo onto the couch and sitting down beside him.

"How is he?" Sehun asked quietly, keeping his eyes firmly shut. He heard Chanyeol sigh next to him.

"He's a lot warmer than he was before. And he hasn't woken up yet..."

"He should be drinking water. Here," Sehun rummaged through his bag (it was really just an old pillowcase they had found in the master bedroom at their old shelter) and produced a water bottle, which he placed in Chanyeol's hands, receiving an unspoken thank you in return.

Chanyeol turned to Kyungsoo's sleeping figure, tapping his cheek gently. "Kyungsoo~" he crooned. "Kyungsoo, it's time to wake up. We're here."

Kyungsoo didn't stir.

Biting his lower lip with unease, he began to smack Kyungsoo's cheeks with more force, not enough to hurt him, but hopefully enough to rouse him. At least, that was the intention, but it still didn't work.

"Do Kyungsoo." Chanyeol called. "You open your eyes right now or I swear-"

The dozing figure groaned, pinching his eyebrows together in annoyance. Kyungsoo blinked once, twice, three, four times before he could make out Chanyeol's face completely filling his field of view. A fuzzy feeling blossomed in his chest and he gave the taller man a lazy smile.

"Morning," he yawned. He tried to sit up but quickly remembered that moving was a very bad idea. "Where are we?" he questioned, surveying the new room. "What time is it?"

"We're further into Bucheon, near the grocery store that still had a lot of food left. Business District, I think." Chanyeol gave Kyungsoo a once over. "How are you feeling?"

Kyungsoo closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Tired. I have a headache. And it's fucking cold in here. Got any more blankets?"

"The last thing you need is another blanket." Chanyeol unscrewed the lid of the water bottle and shoved the neck into Kyungsoo's mouth, earning him a muffled grunt of protest. "Drink up," he said sternly. "You need to stay hydrated."

Kyungsoo shot him a glare but otherwise took a few gulps of the lukewarm liquid. When he had quenched his thirst (which really, he wasn't that thirsty to begin with), he pushed the bottle back to Chanyeol, who screwed it shut and placed it on the floor next to him. "So," Kyungsoo started. "Now what?"

Baekhyun swiveled to face their direction, half eaten apple in hand. "I think we lay low for a few days, eat a shit ton of food, and then head out again. We can make it to Incheon in four days, max."

A funny feeling settled in Sehun's chest then. He looked out the massive office windows at the dark metropolis below him. All of a sudden his goal of finding Junmyeon felt incredibly real and incredibly attainable. They were _so close_ ; they were only one city over and it wouldn't even take that long to bridge the gap. Sehun was suddenly closer to his hyung than he ever thought he would be and it made him fidget with simultaneous anxiety and excitement.

He wanted to leave now, even after he had walked for hours and his legs felt like jelly. He wanted to keep moving forward and continue even during the dead of night, straight towards Incheon without so much as a glance behind him. The picture in his pocket suddenly weighed ten times more than before and he felt around for it, gripping it and rubbing it between his fingers, feeling the glossy cover on one side and the crisp paper on the other.

Sehun wanted to continue, but he knew he couldn't. He was absolutely exhausted, Kyungsoo was seemingly declining in health, and he was sure Baekhyun and Chanyeol needed rest after travelling the entire day compared to Sehun's measly three hours. So with a slow, deliberate exhale, he pushed his wants aside, closed his eyes, and let himself be content with where he was in the here and now.

 

...

 

He didn't know when exactly he fell asleep, but the next thing he knew he awoke to the sun shining through the glass, blinding him the moment he opened his eyes. Chanyeol and Baekhyun were gone again, and Kyungsoo was snoring lightly next to him, skin flushed, sweat dripping down the side of his face.

Sehun stretched, feeling his shoulder pop as he reached his arms up towards the sky. He once again spotted a note on his lap.

 

 _Gone to the grocery store with Chanyeol to get more food._  
_Hoping to find medicine for Kyungsoo._  
_Keep an eye on him, Chanyeol is really worried. Make sure he drinks lots of water._

_\- Baekhyun_

 

He looked over towards the couch, becoming fixated on the cyclical rise and fall of Kyungsoo's chest. The poor guy looked so drained and sickly that Sehun didn't have the heart to force him to wake up and drink, so he made a mental reminder to check on him in about hour. In the meantime, Sehun approached the bookcase against the frosted glass wall, taking a seat on the floor as he searched the shelves for anything good enough to pass the time.

Forty minutes and two chapters into a mystery novel later, Sehun was pulled out of his reading by a soft voice mumbling to his right. He ignored it at first, so completely engrossed in the story, but as the sound grew in intensity he finally managed to rip his eyes away from the pages, looking to the side.

Kyungsoo’s hand was outstretched, reaching weakly, searching for something that he couldn’t find. His eyes were half shut, hooded with exhaustion and confusion. He opened his mouth, letting out a faint moan of discomfort.

“Chanyeol,” he whispered. He locked eyes with Sehun. “Chanyeol…?”

Sehun sprang to his side in seconds. Kyungsoo’s listless eyes searched his face slowly and upon realizing that the man he was regarding was not Chanyeol, he became perplexed and on the verge of hysterical.

“Chanyeol…Chanyeol,” he kept repeating, slurred words dripping from his lips sluggishly like honey. “You’re not Chanyeol. Where’s Chanyeol? Chanyeol…Chanyeol…”

“Chanyeol went out to get you some medicine,” Sehun explained, trying not to let the panic he was beginning to feel seep into his voice. Kyungsoo was completely out of it; Sehun couldn’t risk him becoming upset because who knows what would happen then. Instead, he placed a calm hand on Kyungsoo’s forehead.

He almost snatched his hand away as soon as their skin met. Kyungsoo was burning hot to the touch. Sehun fumbled with the cap on the water bottle laying on the floor next to the couch, hurriedly placing it against Kyungsoo’s lips, tipping it only when Kyungsoo seemed to understand he was supposed to drink from it.

“You need water, Kyungsoo,” Sehun said when he turned his head to the side after one tiny sip, furiously trying to squirm away from the bottle. Sehun shoved it back into his face. “Please, Kyungsoo. You need to drink. It’ll make you feel better, I promise.”

After a few more seconds of struggling Kyungsoo finally relented, taking a few more sips before he was panting from the exertion of trying to keep his neck upright. Sehun felt a pang of fear strike his heart. Kyungsoo looked god awful; though his cheeks were a rosy pink, the rest of his skin was deathly pale, almost ashen.

_Ashen like the skin of so many dead men Sehun had seen before…_

Sehun shook his head. He couldn’t think like that right now. He wouldn’t let himself. Instead, he grabbed Kyungsoo’s hand, which was flitting around anxiously, unsure of where to rest. He placed a few fingers on Kyungsoo’s wrist—his pulse was going wild; it made Sehun’s heart race with confusion, as if it was trying to keep time with a maxed-out metronome.

“Sticky,” Kyungsoo breathed suddenly, his free hand fluttering down to grip his blanket. Once a simple tan rag, the blanket was now a deep maroon due to the sheer volume of blood that had soaked into it and subsequently dried there. He grabbed hold of the blanket, trying to peel it off of him. “Sticky,” he repeated, louder this time.

“What do you mean?”

“Too…sticky,”

Against his better judgment and falling victim to his overwhelming sense of sick curiosity, Sehun helped to unravel the blanket wrapped tightly around Kyungsoo’s waist. It was dry on the very outside, but as he unwrapped layer after layer, the fabric felt moist under his fingers.

And the smell.

Christ, _the smell._

Sehun gagged and almost had to turn away to retch when he finally pulled the last bit of blanket away from Kyungsoo’s side. Because there, spanning Kyungsoo’s waist almost as wide as Sehun’s palm, was a gaping wound crusted over red with dried blood, lined black with decaying tissue and seeping dark yellow pus from its caved in middle.

His vision went fuzzy and for a moment Sehun thought he was going to pass out. The feeling quickly faded, however, and it registered in his brain that he was staring at the most grotesque bacterial infection he had ever seen. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from it, no matter how desperately he wanted to or how hard he tried. The small dribble of pus from the center of the wound made Sehun sick to his stomach, but try as he might, he couldn’t look away.

Suddenly, a hand was gripping his forearm. Startled, Sehun snapped his head up, immediately making contact with Kyungsoo’s wide, lucid stare.

His mouth fell open, the shock finally taking hold of his system. “K-Kyungsoo…” he started, but trailed off into silence, unsure of where his train of thought was even going. All he could think of was _Kyungsoo is infected and we have no medicine and Kyungsoo is going to die oh my god Kyungsoo is going to die and Chanyeol-_

Kyungsoo swallowed thickly. He knew exactly what Sehun was thinking.

“You can’t tell Chanyeol,” he whispered. “Please…he can’t know.”

“Are you _insane?!”_ Sehun cried. “We can find medicine for you, Kyungsoo. We can fix this, you’re going to be _fine-“_

He shook his head, lips quivering. A hot tear slipped from the corner of his eye and tumbled down his cheek, leaving a cold track in its wake. “No,” he pleaded, voice stretched so thin it was one chord away from snapping. “It can’t be fixed, I know it can’t. I have a feeling…”

“Feelings can be wrong, Kyungsoo.” Sehun felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest because of the amount of panic he was suddenly beginning to feel. “You could be wrong. We can find antibiotics, painkillers, whatever. We can _fix_ this!”

Kyungsoo was full on sobbing now. He hiccupped, struggling to speak, skin flushing deep red as his face scrunched up in despair. “Instincts aren’t wrong, Sehun. That’s why they’re called instincts. It’s a feeling so deep seated in your heart and mind that it can’t be anything other than the truth.”

 _“You’re not going to die!”_ Sehun screamed. He seized Kyungsoo’s shoulder roughly, shaking him violently, voice climbing in pitch with every word he spoke. _“I will not let you die! Not like all the others!”_

“Honey~” a voice suddenly called from the doorway. “I’m home~“

Sehun whipped around, eyes locking with Baekhyun as his head peeked around the doorframe with a beaming grin. But it vanished from his face in an instant, having seen the distraught and traumatized appearance clear as day, the despair and fear swimming in the young boy’s eyes, how the blanket around Kyungsoo’s waist lay discarded on the floor, Sehun’s torso blocking a sight Baekhyun knew wouldn’t be pretty.

Chanyeol bumped into his back. “Come, on” he huffed, twisting around so he could enter the office. “Are you just gonna stand there or-“

He paused, found Kyungsoo’s gaze immediately. Watched as Kyungsoo mouthed his name, then passed out, his body falling lifeless against the sofa, hand hanging limp over the edge. Fingertips just barely brushing against the bloodied blanket lying in a crumpled heap on the ground.

Chanyeol dropped everything he carried and ran.


	4. Letting Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow i sincerely apologize for how long it took to update this story, im terrible and i suck ><
> 
> here's the song kyungsoo sings later in the chapter for all your angsty needs :))) (its super cliche and cringy i know im sorry)  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lg_ruUlfsPU

_“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.”_ – Ann Landers

\--

Two days later and Kyungsoo was barely hanging by a thread.

He was on the brink of death, there was no question about it. Sehun watched everyday as Kyungsoo grew paler, his fever climbed higher, his breaths became shorter, his heartbeat ticked faster.

He watched as Chanyeol never left the smaller man’s side, never took his eyes off of his languished, expiring frame. He stayed by the couch as if tethered there by invisible chains, unable to break away. But everyone knew he didn’t want to. Everyone knew Chanyeol would stay by Kyungsoo’s side until the very end.

Late at night, when Chanyeol thought everyone else was sleeping, he would hum songs into Kyungsoo’s ear. Hold his hand, rub at his skin with this thumb. Brush his short fuzzy hair and kiss away Kyungsoo’s tears whenever he became so confused and disoriented that the only thing he could do was cry.

Kyungsoo was never awake for very long. Most of his day was spent sleeping; it was practically impossible to rouse him now. No matter what Chanyeol did—tapping his cheeks, pinching his arm, crying and screaming in his face, pleading for him to open his eyes—nothing seemed to work. Kyungsoo woke up whenever his body felt like it, and when he did manage to come back to the world of the living he was never truly aware.

He was there and yet he wasn’t there. He was awake; his eyes were open and he could see objects and people in front of him, but he couldn’t make sense of them.

He didn’t recognize Sehun or Baekhyun. He didn’t recognize the office space they had called their home for the past four days. He didn’t know where he was, how he had gotten there, where he was going, what day, month, year it was…

But Kyungsoo always remembered Chanyeol.

Sometimes it took a few minutes for the face to register in his mind, but when it did, Kyungsoo’s whole expression lit up with delight, only to be followed by crushing realization and overwhelming grief. Recognizing Chanyeol were some of Kyungsoo’s most cognitive moments. It was in those minutes that he could communicate, voice hoarse and forced into a whisper, before quickly slipping into delirium again and being lost to the world.

Chanyeol wouldn’t admit it, but he knew that there was nothing he or anyone else could do. Sehun and Baekhyun had gone out for hours the past two days in search of any medical supplies they could possibly find, but every time they turned up empty. It seemed as if the entire city was completely devoid of painkillers, antibiotics, anything remotely medicinal. Every time Sehun and Baekhyun came back with empty bags and disappointment scrawled across their faces, and every time Chanyeol told them it was okay. They would try again later. They would find something.

They never found anything.

The odds were stacked against them but Chanyeol wouldn’t let go. No matter how much he knew Kyungsoo was going to die, he simply ignored the fact. He simultaneously accepted and rejected the inevitable, the twisted doublethink unable to let Chanyeol see the truth and nothing but the truth.

Kyungsoo was slipping and Chanyeol couldn’t, _wouldn’t_ allow himself to let go.

 

...

 

“You should get some rest,” Baekhyun said later that evening, now the fourth night they had been at the office building. The sun had long since dipped below the horizon and the stars twinkled in the black sky, the moon new and indistinguishable among the darkness.

He reclined in his leather swivel chair, tugging his sweatshirt tighter across his chest in attempts to stay warm. “You’ve been up for more than twenty-four hours, Chanyeol. You need sleep.” Baekhyun warned, concern and fatigue evident in his voice. He gestured to the empty chair by the couch.

Chanyeol followed his gaze tiredly. His eyes were bloodshot, drooping heavily with sleep but he forced them to stay open. He regarded Baekhyun blankly. “So?”

Baekhyun suppressed an exasperated sigh. “So? You’re only hurting yourself by doing this. Kyungsoo wouldn’t want you to neglect your own care.”

“You act like he’s already dead,” Chanyeol spat, glaring daggers at the gray-haired boy lazing with his feet on the desk. “You don’t get to speak for Kyungsoo when he’s right fucking here.”

“Chanyeol…” he gave him a sympathetic frown, which Chanyeol returned with a scoff.

“He’s not going to die.” he said lowly. There was a hint of shakiness in his voice. A tiny droplet of doubt. He turned to look at Kyungsoo’s placid face and swallowed thickly. “He’s going to be okay. He’s strong, he can get through this.”

Sehun opened his mouth to retort but quickly snapped it shut. Now really wasn’t the time to argue. Everyone was high-strung and one slip of the tongue could be disastrous, so he swallowed his words, pushed them deep into his chest, and remained quiet.

His mind was overcome with a whirlwind of emotions since the day Chanyeol had realized Kyungsoo was dying. He wanted to comfort Chanyeol; he wanted to curl into a ball and cry himself to sleep. He wanted to give Kyungsoo courage; he wanted it to be over with already.

He wanted Kyungsoo to live.

He wanted Kyungsoo to die.

He felt despicable for even thinking it, but realistically, there was nothing that could be done to save Kyungsoo now.

There was no medicine. No magic pill. No cure.

Kyungsoo would continue to decline and suffer in agony until he finally took his last breath, a reality that was not lost on Sehun, or anyone else for that matter.

Chanyeol was arguably suffering the most out of the rest of them. Sehun could see the taller man breaking just a bit more every day, his already sensitive demeanor being crushed into smaller and smaller bits until all that would remain is dust.

Neither of them deserved to suffer, that much Sehun knew to be true. Kyungsoo’s life was slowly leaking out of him, and Chanyeol was dying as he watched it happen.

So Sehun wanted Kyungsoo to live for Chanyeol’s sake, but die for his sake too.

Watching Kyungsoo deteriorate brought new fears to his mind. He was so close to Incheon, so close to finding his hyung. What if he ended up in the exact same situation? What if he found Junmyeon and then his hyung was dead within a week?

The whole reason he willed himself to keep going was to find Junmyeon. If he found him, only to lose him…what was the point of living?

If Kyungsoo died…

Sehun shook his head sadly, the correct word feeling horribly wrong echoing in his mind.

 _When_ Kyungsoo died, would Chanyeol be able to continue on?

Would he give up? Resign himself to living without the only person that mattered in his life? Or bury himself with his love and allow himself to wither away and die so they could be together again?

Sehun shuddered. If Junmyeon died…

He didn’t want that to happen to him.

Sehun wanted to live, but he wanted to live with Junmyeon. If Junmyeon left him, or if he was never even there to find in the first place…

He didn’t want to think about it.

He shook his head again, forcing the thoughts to disappear. One day at a time, one problem at a time. Like Baekhyun had said once before, they would cross that bridge when they got to it.

Instead, Sehun yawned, closing his eyes and letting himself succumb to the sleep that was going to drag him under pretty soon whether he liked it or not. His day was long, filled with endless walking and scouring through buildings for any kind of medicine that could help Kyungsoo. It left all of his muscles aching and feeling like jelly, so a nice long rest was in order. Well, as nice as it could be when he was confined to sleeping in a tiny-ass armchair.

He heard Chanyeol shift on the ground next to him. Cracking an eye open, he watched as Chanyeol leaned over Kyungsoo’s body, just barely grazing the side of his face with a gentle hand. His lips quivered as he placed them against Kyungsoo’s forehead, pausing when his eyebrows twitched.

Chanyeol pulled back, eyes wide. “Kyungsoo?” he whispered. Out of the corner of his eye, Sehun saw Baekhyun sit up in his seat, attentive.

“Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol called softly. Below him, the smaller began to stir.

“Hmm…?” Kyungsoo hummed. His eyes were shut but his eyebrows furrowed further, whether due to pain or confusion, Sehun couldn’t tell. His pale, cracked lips parted ever so slightly. “Chan…yeol...”

“I’m right here,” he replied hurriedly, taking one of Kyungsoo’s hands in his own. He squeezed it and almost burst into tears of relief when he felt the other squeeze back, albeit weakly. He brought his other hand up and cupped Kyungsoo’s cheek delicately. “Wake up, Kyungsoo. I’m right here.”

His eyes cracked open slightly at first, pupils drifting around in an incoherent haze as he searched for the source of the voice. Slowly, they opened more and more, until Chanyeol’s face swam into his view. All at once his emotions surged, and without being able to stop himself, he began to cry.

Chanyeol sat up, alarmed. “What’s wrong?” he pleaded, pressing kisses from Kyungsoo’s temple down to his jaw. “Kyungsoo, look at me,” He gently pushed his face so that Kyungsoo had nowhere to look but forward. They locked eyes and Kyungsoo promptly stilled.

“What’s wrong?” Chanyeol repeated. By now, Baekhyun had come to sit on the floor next to him, just out of Kyungsoo’s field of view, and Sehun was leaning over the armrest, wanting to observe but not wanting to interfere in their personal space.

Kyungsoo inhaled sharply, free hand coming down to rest over his abdominal wound. “I feel bad,” he stated simply. Shifting positions was out of the question, but he was horribly uncomfortable with his clothes sticking to his skin from the sheer amount of sweat seeping from his pores.

“Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable? I haven’t washed your wound yet…” Chanyeol realized. When he went to start peeling back the layers of fabric, Kyungsoo shook his head and reached up to stop his hand from moving any further.

“Don’t. It’s gross,”

Chanyeol rolled his eyes. “Well if it’s gross then it needs to be cleaned.”

Another shake of the head. Kyungsoo sighed, a feeling of overwhelming dread washing over him.

“Just stop, Chanyeol.” His voice broke and instead he was forced to finish his thoughts in a whisper. “It’s over.”

Chanyeol was struck dumb. He opened his mouth, tried to say something, but nothing would come out except a tiny, strangled squeak. Next to him, Baekhyun let out a shaky breath and slowly rose from the floor, motioning for Sehun to follow.

Perplexed, Sehun stayed in his seat, giving Baekhyun a confused stare. This was the most lucid Kyungsoo had been in days; he wanted to stick around and hear what he had to say. But the icy glare Baekhyun shot his way told him he wouldn’t get to indulge in his wants, so he reluctantly got up, giving Kyungsoo one last glance as he patted Chanyeol’s shoulder and shuffled out of the office.

Baekhyun closed the door quietly behind him. “They need space,” was all he said. “Kyungsoo knows that it’s time. They should be alone for that.”

A pang of horrid realization struck Sehun’s heart and he felt it physically spread within his chest, constricting it and making it burn. “Are you…you mean…you can’t be serious,” he choked out, feeling tears welling up already. “Is this-“

“The end,” Baekhyun breathed. He felt his own heart swell with pain when he heard Sehun inhale sharply and hiccup. Guiding his head to his shoulder, Baekhyun enveloped the younger boy into a hug, using all of his energy to try to hold himself together as Sehun fell apart in his arms, wailing into the fabric of his shirt.

 _No,_ Sehun wanted to say. _No, it’s not fair. Kyungsoo doesn’t deserve to die._ But with every new wave of sobs he cried so hard that he couldn’t breathe. His breaths were hitched as he took several rapid inhales, then began crying anew. He vaguely registered the feeling of a hand rubbing up and down his back, fingers combing through his hair, Baekhyun’s chest vibrating underneath him as he said something Sehun couldn’t quite make out over his own weeping.

“I know,” Baekhyun whispered. He felt his own tears fall as Chanyeol’s choked sobs sounded through the frosted glass.

 

…

 

“I can’t. _I can’t,_ Kyungsoo, _I won’t._ ”

Kyungsoo sighed, a shaky, resigned exhale releasing through his chapped lips. He closed his eyes. “Chanyeol, think realistically. You know just as well as I do that there’s nothing else we can do.” His voice was tired, strained. Low and hoarse. Acquiescent.

 _“Stop,”_ Chanyeol demanded. He sniffed, wiping furiously at his tears with the back of his hand. “Why are you giving up so easily? We might not have found anything yet but there’s always tomorrow. There’s _always_ _tomorrow_ , Kyungsoo.”

He shook his head. Feeling his lips pull down into a frown, he pursed them into a thin line, pausing before he moved to speak again.

He took a deep breath. He needed to be strong. For Chanyeol. If he could reassure Chanyeol then all of this would be easier.

“Chanyeol,” he began, but any confidence he had was thrown out the window when he opened his mouth. Immediately the tears sprang to his eyes and he crumbled into hysterics, gripping Chanyeol’s hand with so much force that Chanyeol thought his fingers would break.

“No,” Chanyeol whispered. He cupped Kyungsoo’s face with both hands. “No. Do not tell me what I know you’re about to tell me.”

“I’m dying, Chanyeol. This is my last night, I know it.”

He shook his head so frantically he made himself dizzy. “Shut up. _Shut up,”_

“Do you really want those to be the last words you ever say to me? Chanyeol, look at me,” Reluctantly, Chanyeol met his eyes. They were brimming with tears, pain, grief, and acceptance swimming within them. “I love you so much.” Kyungsoo declared, voice trembling so violently it was if his whole body was shaking. “Never, ever forget how much I love you, do you understand?”

 _“Please,”_ Chanyeol wept. “There’s still time, we can find _something_ , anything-“

A gentle hand on his cheek had him pause mid-sob. He sniffed, willing himself to be quiet as he stared into Kyungsoo’s wide gaze. He heard his deafening heartbeat in his ears, pounding so quickly it felt as if his heart would burst at any moment. But the longer he stared at Kyungsoo as his thumb caressed his cheek, wiping away the stray tears that fell, he felt his breathing begin to slow, his chest loosen, his mind fill with one overwhelming realization.

This was it. This was the end. There was nothing more he could do but sit there and wait for time to pass.

He felt the tears well up again as he finally accepted the truth. It brought a physical pain to his heart and he massaged his chest, taking deep breaths.

“Soo…”

Kyungsoo covered his mouth with one hand. “I’m tired. Let’s just rest.”

“I’ll sing for you, like I always do. I’ll-“ Chanyeol halted, trying in vain to keep his voice stable. “I’ll sing until you fall asleep.”

He shook his head, eyebrows scrunching up in pain. “No,” he breathed. “Let me do it. You comforted me so much that I didn’t get the chance to comfort you,” Cracking open his eyes, he gave Chanyeol a lazy smile, something his partner couldn’t bring himself to return no matter how badly he wanted to.

“What’s a good song to sing…” Kyungsoo thought out loud. He looked to the brown-haired boy, expecting an answer, but there was a lump lodged in his throat that didn’t allow him to speak.

Suddenly, his eyes lit up. “Ah. I got one.” He patted the couch cushion next to him eagerly. “Lay down with me,”

Chanyeol gave him an apprehensive look. “There’s not enough room for the two of us.” When Kyungsoo rolled his eyes and began to scoot over, face contorting with pain from the monumental effort it took to move his body, Chanyeol relented, reaching out to steady the younger male. “Fine,” he sighed, “but let me help you.”

After some readjustments, Chanyeol found himself lying against the back of the couch, Kyungsoo now turned on his good side and facing inwards, his head resting against Chanyeol’s chest. He draped an arm over Chanyeol’s side and attempted to pull himself closer, but when he let out a whine of discomfort Chanyeol helped scooch him over the rest of the way until their entire bodies were almost completely pressed together, all of their curves complementing each other in the most perfect way.

Kyungsoo took in a deep breath of the shirt his nose was buried into, made a face. “You need a bath,” he complained, and felt Chanyeol’s short laugh reverberate throughout his chest, a pleasant sensation that had Kyungsoo’s own blossoming with warmth.

“There isn’t exactly any running water or bars of soap just lying around,”

He shrugged. “Fair enough,”

They fell into comfortable silence. “Hey, Chanyeol?” Kyungsoo asked after some time. Chanyeol hummed in acknowledgement. “You know I love you, right?”

He could feel Chanyeol’s heartbeat start to go wild. He pressed his hand to his boyfriend’s chest, feeling the rhythm pulse through his palm and down his arm, eventually spreading over his entire body until it felt as if their hearts were beating together as one.

“I…” Chanyeol started. He took a deep breath in attempts to calm his emotions, which were quickly unraveling and spiraling out of control. “I love you too, of course I do.”

“Then you know that it’s okay for you to let go,”

His entire body began to shake. He bit his lower lip in a last-ditch effort not to cry. “Please don’t ask me to do that,” he whispered, not trusting his voice in the slightest. “You know I can’t.”

“I think it’s time for that song,” Kyungsoo interrupted. He took a slow, deliberate inhale. “Be quiet and listen, and give me your hand,” In an instant, Chanyeol’s fingers were interlaced with his. His hands were cold compared to Kyungsoo’s, but he didn’t mind. It felt soothing, comforting. It made him never want to pull away.

Kyungsoo opened his mouth and began to sing softly.

 

_My dear, don’t you worry about a thing_

_Let’s just sing together_

 

As soon as he heard the first note slip past Kyungsoo’s lips, Chanyeol fell apart. He trembled, shoulders and lips quivering, chest rattling as he tried to catch his breath, the tears flooding his eyes and spilling over onto his cheeks like an overflowing sink.

“Anything but this song, please,” Chanyeol whispered desperately, but Kyungsoo shushed him.

 

_My dear, all of your painful memories,_

_Just bury them deep in your heart_

 

_Just let the past be the past_

_It’s meaningful in that way_

_Just sing to the one who left you_

_Say you loved them with no regrets_

 

“You know I do,” Chanyeol wept. He touched his forehead to Kyungsoo’s silky hair. “You know I’ll always love you, Kyungsoo.” He hiccupped, a suppressed whimper clawing its way up his throat.

Kyungsoo paused, waited for Chanyeol to quiet down. When all he heard were muffled sniffles, he took a deep breath, closing his eyes, and continued.

 

_You suffered so many hardships_

_You lost what it meant to be new_

_Let out all the hardships you went through_

_Let yourself go from the blame_

 

 _“Stop, please stop,”_ Chanyeol begged through tears. He wept uncontrollably, hugging Kyungsoo close to his body. Kyungsoo felt a tear splatter onto his head and resisted the urge to look up. “You can’t ask me that. You can’t, it’s not _fair_.”

“Quit interrupting me,” Kyungsoo scolded playfully, but his voice ended up cracking anyway. “Let me finish the song, ya big cry baby,”

“Do Kyungsoo you are dying in my arms and you’re calling me a fucking cry baby?” Despite his tears, Chanyeol managed to crack a smile. Typical Kyungsoo. Couldn't be mature in even the most serious of situations. Chanyeol supposed that was one of the traits that drew him in in the first place, and he smiled faintly.

“Just let me finish. It’s important,”

 

_Just let the past be the past_

_It’s meaningful in that way_

_Let’s all sing together_  
  
Say you dreamed with no regrets

 

“You know the last line,” Kyungsoo whispered. He traced circles over Chanyeol’s chest with his index finger. Chanyeol quivered under his touch, moving to run a hand through his hair. Kyungsoo leaned into the feeling.

“Will you say it?” he murmured. “Will you promise me?”

“I can’t. I’m not strong, Kyungsoo. I-“ Chanyeol let out a strangled cry. His free hand came down to grab hold of Kyungsoo’s chin, turning it and forcing Kyungsoo to look up at him.

He looked undeniably dreadful. His smooth skin was deathly white, almost a peculiar shade of gray, but his cheeks were stained pink and radiating an uncomfortably high heat. Dark bluish-purple bags sagged under his eyes, making them appear sunken in and his face gaunt. His skin was clammy but burning to the touch, a sheen of sweat all across his forehead and dripping down the sides of his face, mixing in with his tears.

That was just what Chanyeol could see from first glance. The real horror laid in his abdomen. But visualizing the wound made Chanyeol’s skin crawl, his stomach churn unpleasantly. He couldn’t imagine the sheer amount of pain Kyungsoo felt in every waking moment, the suffering he’d endured since being gunned down all those days ago, just so some petty thieves could take the few belongings they had left.

Chanyeol couldn’t bear to see him suffer anymore.

But he also couldn’t let him go.

“Please say it,” Kyungsoo’s almost inaudible words reached his ears and his eyes snapped back to meet the wide chocolate brown ones staring back at him intensely. “Say, _you’ll dream new dreams,_ Chanyeol. I want you to promise me that you’ll move on. I want you to promise me that you’ll keep going, even though I won’t be there with you,”

“You make it sound so simple,” Chanyeol managed to reply. He had been crying for so long he wasn’t even sure if it was possible for him to still have tears, and yet they kept coming, each wave more ferocious than the last. “I don’t understand…how am I supposed to live without you? You mean…you mean _everything_ to me Kyungsoo,”

Kyungsoo felt the tears beginning to slip down his cheeks, hot at first, but the tracks they left quickly drying cold. He tightened his hold on Chanyeol’s hand as he heard the howl burst from his mouth.

“I don’t want to die,” he unexpectedly bawled, fist weakly punching Chanyeol’s chest. “I’m so scared, I don’t want this. _I don’t want this._ I don’t want to leave you,”

Any handle on his emotions he had beforehand was completely gone. He thought if he convinced himself that he had come to terms with his death, he would be okay. Saying goodbye would still hurt something indescribable, but at least it would be better than this.

He was wrong. So fucking wrong. Kyungsoo was terrified. Terrified of never seeing another sunrise, terrified of never hearing his favorite songs again, or eating his favorite food. He was terrified of closing his eyes, seeing darkness instead of light, seeing Chanyeol’s face for the very last time, never being able to hear Chanyeol’s velvety smooth and deep voice soothe him to sleep ever again.

He didn’t want to go.

But he knew it was his time.

His body was shutting down. He had no energy, he couldn’t keep up with trying to heal the damage. The infection was slowly eating away at him, taking up residence in his tissues and organs, disrupting their vital functions, causing everything inside of him to fail.

It was only a matter of time now.

He hugged Chanyeol closer to his body, sobbing into his dirty t-shirt. They held each other, trembling together as one, their emotions the same, their heartbeats the same, their thoughts all the same.

“I’m going to miss you,” Chanyeol whimpered. He leaned down, pressing a firm kiss on Kyungsoo’s lips as he wiped away the younger’s tears with his thumb. Kyungsoo hiccupped and gazed deep into his eyes, as if he were trying to look down into his very soul. The raw emotion held in his stare sent shivers down Chanyeol’s spine.

“I’ll never forget you, I promise,” he whispered. Kyungsoo couldn’t bring himself to speak. He simply hummed in acknowledgement, nodding his head slightly, before closing his eyes and squeezing a few more tears out.

“I love you so much, Chanyeol. I will never stop loving you.” He looked up again, searching Chanyeol’s despaired gaze, seeing the pain and anguish so clearly as if he were staring at his own reflection. “I know we’ll meet again.”

“I love you, Kyungsoo.” He sniffed once, twice, a few more rogue tears contributing to the ocean that he had already shed. He squeezed Kyungsoo’s hand. “Go to sleep, it’s okay. It’s okay to…“ He trailed off, unable to finish his sentence.

_It’s okay to let go._

He knew Kyungsoo was trying desperately to stay awake. His eyelids were hooded with exhaustion but still he persisted, fighting off the strong pull of sleep so that he could spend as many waking seconds with Chanyeol as possible.

But eventually the pull became too strong and he surrendered, allowing his eyes to slip shut, but only after he had looked at Chanyeol’s face one last time.

“I love you,” he said again, a tired sigh. He buried his head further into Chanyeol’s chest, feeling his heart beat rhythmically against his skull.

“You know I’ll always love you, no matter what happens,” Chanyeol whispered in reply, placing a tender kiss to his forehead.

He stayed awake, watching Kyungsoo’s chest rise and fall, their hands still firmly clasped together. And as time passed and he felt Kyungsoo’s pulse grow weaker, his breaths become shallower, his skin start to cool, only when the last faint heartbeat disappeared from his veins did he allow himself to weep, hugging Kyungsoo’s lifeless body to his chest, feeling a piece of his soul break off and fade away with him.

And when Baekhyun and Sehun finally reentered the room almost four hours after they had first left, they found Chanyeol fast asleep on the couch, Kyungsoo leaning into his side, their hands no longer held together, fingers no longer interwoven so tightly that they couldn’t be pulled apart.

Chanyeol had let go.


End file.
